I am a 'yeller'.
A loud talker.
A passionate person.
When I am angry, I yell, scream, whine, I have an attitude and throw hissy fits.
I always have been like this.
Ask my mom or my husband, who is the far opposites of a passionate fighter.
They would tell you in a heartbeat that I am very easily sent from 0 to 100 with the wrong comment or stressful situation.
My coping skills with anger and frustration have become stunted in adolescent development.
I behave like a disgruntled teenager when things don't go 'my way'.
I used to accept this as part of me.
I had a 'This is who I am, deal with it' kind of attitude.
But not lately.
Lately I realize that I hate this part of me.
As a stay at home mom, I am realizing that I have no control over how things go.
'My way' rarely happens.
Therefore I spend a lot of time feeling frustrated.
Having 2 year old's has shown me yelling is not cool and unfortunately I do yell at them when I am frustrated.
I hate that I scream or have an attitude towards them but sometimes I get so lost in how to deal with my own anger and frustration that I lose my cool.
Having 2 year old's has shown me that whining is incredibly annoying.
Nobody seriously listens to a whiner.
And having 2 year old's has shown me that hissy fits get you no where.
You end up alone, screaming on the floor.
But the big question is,
How do I change?
How do I stop this vicious cycle that has become my only coping mechanism to frustration?
(and let me tell you, being 33 weeks and having twins girls leads to many opportunities in a day to feel frustrated)
I need some one on my shoulder using the same statements with me as I use with my girls.
"Jessica, don't yell. Just talk"
"Jessica, please use your kind words"
"Jessica, why don't you take a moment alone to calm down"
I think what I am going to try an do is picture my beautiful little girls, one on each shoulder, telling me to calm down.
Maybe they will help me to remember that I want this cycle to stop.
and I especially don't want to pass this down to my girls.
I want to stop feeling guilty about how I act and I want accept my anger, stress and frustration for what it is and not take it out on my loved ones.
If anyone has any other suggestions on how I can establish better coping mechanisms with stress, anger and frustration, I would love to hear them!
It is quite obvious that I am a little lost on this subject...
I hope all of you are having a wonderful day!
and Smile.
You have no idea how powerful your smile may be today!
"For every moment you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness"
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Much love,
Jessica
