Technicolor

The moments are in technicolor,

Vibrant and full.

My mind is calm and content, but moving in full speed trying to take it all in.

I am mesmerized by it all.

The color of your golden hair and and how it falls loosely over your ears and caresses your cheek. How all three of you smell so much like home. 

Familiar and grounding. 

A smell I seem to long for in moments of disarray. 

The feel of your soft skin as I touch your cheek. 

Unblemished and new, not yet affected by the harsh truths of the world.

The taste of the wine, the one you chose. 

Delicious and deep. 

Rich and Vibrant. 

The perfect compliment to our evening.  

These moments seem so much more real today. 

I am glad for it. 

Knowing that my truth is becoming more open and free. 

Knowing that when I take the time to nurture my soul, I receive these 'gifts of the ordinary'.

The ability to see and feel my life in full form. 

In full technicolor. 

Food is beautiful.

Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. ~Benjamin Disraeli

Much love, 

Jessica

Love the ones we marry.

I was talking to my Mr. Kennedy yesterday. Alone. We were conversing as adults. It was nice.
We were enjoy that brief moment of alone time at the dinner table.
That sweet moment were you can disappear together.
If you have young children, you know this moment.
The moment that they are done their plates (or what they are going to eat from them) their bellies full and they are feeling happy and free.
They saunter off in their food haze, unaware that mommy and daddy are doing something without them.
That sweet moment to finish your dinner, trying hard not to pay too much attention to fact that you are eating cold pancakes for the 4 time this month because it is the one food you wont have to force feed your toddlers.
And in my case, I got to share that moment with the man that so often gets neglected and put last on the household 'list'.

We were talking about our days, our food, the kids, hockey....all the real important stuff that keeps are world spinning.
And during this conversation we had a moment.
A shared moment of epiphany.

Heres how it went down:

Me: My parents are back in town from their trip. Want to go over for dinner tomorrow? They will have the girls for the day and we can go over after work. What would you like to do?
Him: *pause* umm.....
My response is already boiling in my head. The typical wife and husband routine about the 'parental' visits.

Me: So? What are you going to do? come or not?
Him: I think I will stay here. I need sone time where no-one is needing or demanding anything from me.

My initial reaction was to freak out.
What?!?! You need some time? What about me?
But I stopped myself.
It would only start a fight and we would both lose.
Instead I asked him,

'are you feeling overwhelmed?'

Instead of his usual joking and lack of seriousness, he was truthful and honest. He responded with a simple 'Yes'.
No dramatics. No fights over who us 'more tired' or 'works harded'. No judgement or blame game.
We both simply respected each others feelings and concerns.
It was refreshing.

He decided to stay home tonight.
And I took a lesson from his honesty and told him I could use some 'out of office' time.
No demands, no tasks, no 'to do list'.
He was happy for me go get that. He was helpful and accommodating.

I went to a late movie to see 'les miserables' with my best friend. It was incredible and simply for me.

It was truly refreshing and liberating to have our feelings respected with no attached judgments or drama.

"Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry." -Tom Mullen

Much love,

Jessica

I am part of a whole, I am not alone.

There is this man we see everyday of the school week.
He is a bus driver who we pass on our way to pick up the school aged boys I babysit.
Every day he tells me I am super mom and deserve a medal.
Each day I laugh graciously, make brief chit chat and then move on my way with the kiddies.

Today he actually gave me a medal.
A supermom medal.

On a day I feel the furthest from deserving that honour.

Today I stared at a 8 month old and demanded he go to sleep. I spoke to him in a tone that I wouldn't dare speak outside the walls of my home.
Today I read stories to three toddlers. I read them rushed and with no energy. I sucked the fun out of story time because I was tired and needed a break.
Today I lost my cool. The kids were demanding my attention in 4 different directions. The baby was strapped to my chest having a melt down because he was exhausted and three toddlers grabbed at me. I lost it. I was counting to ten trying to cool down and stay patient but it truly wasn't doing anything to help my mind calm down. So it decided on a different route. A route that I am not proud of. I threw a hissy fit. I stomped my feet and screamed at the top lungs. It was a full out horror movie scream. I was mad and everybody and nobody. I was frustrated and cornered.
I scared all the kids and immediately regretted my reaction. I apologized and reassured them all that it wasn't anyone's fault and that I was simply feel frustrated.

But there was no doubt that I was feeling far from super mom.

Then we walk to the school and see our bus driver friend, and he hands me a gift. It is a medal that say 'supermom award' and a picture of us he took last week. We all looked so happy.
He truly has no idea how important that was.
How it made me feel and made me think.
That gentle and kind man dug me out from a pit of self loathing.
He made me believe that I am not alone and that there is love all around me.

Right now I still don't feel like super mom but I do feel better.

The universe works in magical ways, teaching (when I am willing to be taught) that there is love and support waiting for me. That it will be there whenever I am ready to love myself and realize that I am not nearly as 'horrible' as I feel I am.

"A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty." -Albert Einstein


Much love,

Jessica

From all small things...

My brain has been in overdrive.

Ideas have been simmer for quite some time.
Stewing and bubbling waiting patiently for the moment when all the flavours come together in perfection.

The time has come.
I am ready.

I can say 'I am ready' with conviction. But it has been hard to come to this place.

It has been a struggle.
A struggle with my ego.

It took some time and personal growth to get past 'it'.
I had to stomp out the negative self talk.

I kept hearing and believing,
" what makes you good enough?"
" what do you have to say that is really important enough for people to listen to. "
" who says you have any skills people want to learn."

Well ego, I say I can. And I am in charge.

I say I have skills.
I say I can teach them.
I say I am capable.

I am ready.
I want to teach.
I want to help people.
I want to share the knowledge I have been blessed with.

I have developed workshops.
Some for kids.
Some for 'mama's'.
Some for families.
All with the intention to help people live more connected and joyfully.

I have planned two workshops for March.

The first one is 'Clear minds' for preschoolers. It will be on Sunday March 10th from 3:00 pm till 4:00 pm. It is a combination of yoga, guided meditation, creative play and storytelling. All designed for 2-4 year olds. The intention is too allow our children to relax, calm and slow down, hopefully allowing them to connect to their creative and imaginative potential.

The second workshop is 'meditation for moms'. A meditation workshop designed for 'mama'. It is on Wednesday March 20th at 8:00 pm. It is a time for quiet, serenity and peace. The intention of the workshop is to allow 'mom' to reconnect to herself and leave with some tools on how to take the time each day for herself.

Each workshop is $10.00 and is being held at my home.
I am so excited about them!

If you are at all interested, email me at jessicakennedy1985@gmail.com

I intend for great thing to happen :)

"From small beginnings come great things." -Proverb

Much love,
Jessica


( The space were tranquility will occur :)

Feelings of firsts

This was a great weekend.
It was jammed packed with super awesome 'soul nourishing' events and moments.
A gong meditation to fuel my spirit.
Babysitting our great friends daughter while they enjoyed a much needed date night.
A quiet and much needed breakfast at my parents.
First 'real' crawls by my little man.
Some great quality time with my family, which included watching my husband teach my daughters to play Wii bowling. I love seeing them basking in the 'awesomeness' of their daddy, and almost just as much, I love seeing my husband shine in his role with the kids.
And if all that awesomeness wasn't enough, I got to do one of my favourite things, see a movie solo.

I went to see 'safe haven'.
It is the type of movie I tend to see alone.
Impossibly romantic, heart wrenching, and powerfully emotional.

It was typical Nicolas Sparks adaptation, predictable and very familiar, and I loved it.

I left the movie feeling reminiscent and romantic.
I was reminded of first times and the feelings that come with them.

First time he grabs your hand and caresses your palm with his thumb. How if made your heart flutter and your words disappear.

The first kiss and how he tasted faintly like scotch mints. How his embrace enveloped you with a feeling of pure safety and love like you had never experienced before.

The first time he said 'I love you' and how your world seemed to stop turning for that moment.

The first time you made up after a big fight, and you said you would never fight again, knowing you would fight again but it was ok because fighting with him was better then not having him.

The first time you knew he was the one. The straw to your berry, the apple to your pie, the peanut butter to your jelly. The other half to your soul.

I was reminded.
And how easy it is to forget.
To put away those extraordinary feelings, allowing them to simmer in the back of our psyche.

This weekend the fire in my soul was relit.
I am blessed to have been reminded.



"How far away the stars seem, and how far is our first kiss, and ah, how old my heart." -William Butler Yeats

Much love,

Jessica

(He is the peanut butter, to our PB & J sandwich :)

A closet full of joy

I posted a picture earlier today.
The picture below.
My beautiful girls dressed in their own creations.

Charlotte in her favourite tee shirt. A cute tee with a picture of people carrying umbrellas in the rain. It is embellished with some gold and silver glitter. She matched it with a pair of stretchy jeans and a tutu. She wanted her hair to be up, with clips in it.

Chloe found a pair of pink tights and her 'sun' tee shirt. It is her favourite. She says it looks like the sun and summer. She was insistent she wanted her hair down with a head band. The way her hair was naturally falling was flipped out. It resembled a vintage hair style. She had a very 60's style to her today.

I asked my girls why they chose these outfits. They simply told me it was their favourite stuff and they liked it.
It made them happy.

I was thinking about it all day.

I want to dress like that.

A tee shirt that reminds me of summer.
Colourful skirts because they make me feel like a princess.
My favourite stuff on, just to make me happy.

Simply dress in a way that produces pure joy!

My girls didn't think about if what they chose was the most stylish choice or did they worry about their outfits ability to flatter their bodies. They don't think like that. Their minds are too pure. They have not been jaded yet by our society and its obsession on negative body image. They are not yet trying to maintain the impossibly high standards set for woman.
They only know how they feel and act on it accordingly.
Innocent and pure.

Oh, To feel that freedom of choice.
To know that lightness.
To have the monkey off our backs.
You know that monkey, that nagging presence telling us we are not good enough
How exhilarating that must be!

I want that freedom. To be able to own my choices and act purely and innocently.


"If most of us are ashamed of shabby clothes and shoddy furniture, let us be more ashamed of shabby ideas and shoddy philosophies. . . . It would be a sad situation if the wrapper were better than the meat wrapped inside it."
-Albert Einstein

Much love,

Jessica

Illuminating love

Valentines day.
Love.
Romance.
A holiday for lovers.

My lover, my husband, has never been a big valentine's day contributor.
He does not seem to like to be told when he has to express his love. He likes to do things on his own time, at his own speed.
I completely respect that.

He is great at surprising me with displays of his affections.
He is also very good at being loving and kind when it is really needed.

Today is not my day 'for lovers'.
Today is going to be a day for self- love.
I need to take a lesson from my husband and be kind and loving when it is really needed.
Right now.

I am my worst critic.
I am great at hurting my own feelings.
Self doubt and inadequacies riddle my mind, poisoning it with anger and frustration.
Today I am going to take a day to love me.
Be my own biggest fan.
Present myself in a way that shows the world that I know I am worth it.
Worth all the love the universe has for me.
I am spending my day loving me.
Teaching my kids to love who they are. To cherish every inch of their beautiful souls.
I am going to let the love radiate off of me, illuminating everyone in my life.

Let the love pour down.

"A loving heart is the truest wisdom." -Charles Dickens

Happy Valentines Day!

Much love,
Jessica