The sign that your alive

Crying doesn't indicate that you're weak. Since birth, it has always been a sign that you're alive




This quote graced the status of my sisters Facebook page yesterday.

I fell in love with it immediately. 

What a wonderful quote!

True and deep emotions make us feel alive.

Like we exist. 

They remind us of our presence in the world.

A good cry can rejuvenate the soul.

Freshen everything up like an intense rainstorm does in the 

spring.  

It feels like sometimes we steer away from passionate emotions due to

social restrictions or embarrassment. 

Why should we do that?

Why put restrictions on ourselves?

We are meant to feel. 

Meant to live with intensity.

Meant to be true and honest with ourselves. 

Meant to express our feelings and have them appreciated by the one we care about. 

If you feel a certain way and express that emotion, it should be appreciated, even if not

understood, it should always be appreciated for the rawness of it's intensity.

 I am going to remember this thought and quote when I tell myself (or the ones I care about) the 
 line that we all use,




'there is nothing to feel angry/sad/frustrated about here' 

If you feel that emotion there is something that is bothering you. 

In most cases if you  allowed to openly feel sad/angry/happy and have another person

appreciate that feeling instead of telling you it does not exist allows you to embrace the

moment.

You can store it as a moment in your life journey and move on. 

You can move on lighter and more content knowing that you were true to your feelings and let

your honesty prevail. 




I wish you all a wonderful day!




Much love, 


Jessica 

beautiful morning

unknown beauty:


the sun rises
the veil lifts 


the smell of coffee and cold air
fills my insides


how will today go?
how will I feel?


the undetermined awareness 
the overwhelming wonder


Why do I give you so much room?
Why do I wonder about you?


Seize the beauty
embrace the moment that is mine


I waited all my life for this time
embrace you with open arms




Enjoy your day!

much love,

Jessica

My adventures in the galaxy

...otherwise known as cosmic adventures.

Yesterday we went to cosmic adventures with the girls.
Courtney, myself and our tiny wee ladies headed on our way to Ottawa for a morning of adventure!
We met up with a few other family's there with children around the girls age, including the girls cousin Cameron.
It was wonderful to see all the kids and chat with other adults.
I had been nervous to do cosmic adventures with the girls as I had heard it is incredible busy and overwhelming (especially since we were deciding to go on a Sunday!) but Court was coming so that made it OK because we could tag team our wild children!
As we walked in we were floored by the gargantuan size of the place.
I thought to myself  'my poor girls are going to get eaten up by this massive place!'
I am sure someone read that fear on my face and we were soon directed to a special toddler area upstairs.
It was cosmic adventures on a smaller scale.
A small ball pit, a smaller climbing apparatus and toddler play structures and toys. There was also so much space for them to walk around!
It was amazing!
The girls loved it immediately.
Chloe took to just walking about from end to end, actually she was running from end to end. She loved the space.
Charlotte immediately fell in love with the ball pit and sat there for a good hour and a half with her daddy.
We stayed there for three and a half hours.
There were no melt downs and no diva moments of screaming (which seem to be a common thing around our home lately.)
It was incredible!
We left at 1:30 ish and assumed the girls would nap in the car and then would wake up immediately once we get home, that is normal for them.
We took our time driving home and didn't get back till 2:30.
Once we took the ladies out of the car they were still obviously sleepy so we brought them upstairs to their crib. We though we were just being silly doing this as usually this would not work at all and they would be wide awake and screaming to come down stairs, but didn't they sleep for two more hours!
This is EPIC for my girls!
It was incredible!
They were tuckered!
It was such an incredible day with them.
Once they woke up they were amazing little girls.
It was like we had satisfied their craving for play that they were content to bop around the house without any 'clingyness to mommy' or meltdowns.
We actually had a relaxing rainy day late afternoon together.
Court was on his laptop working and watching the jays game, I was on the couch reading the newspaper and my book and the girls were on the floor in front of us playing with their toys.
This went on for 2 hours!
That has never happened!
When they wanted some attention they took their turns coming to mommy and daddy.
They had a few minutes of cuddles then went back to play.
They were so much more calm and chill children.
Court and I think the morning of adventure did it for them.
They got out all that excess energy that was bogging them down. They were able to act relaxed and content with out excess energy in them.
We actually bought a year member ship to Cosmic Adventures for the girls, so we can go back often.
For us it was a cheaper option as one visit alone for the four of us cost $40.00.

We realised yesterday that we have kids now. Not babies.
They are at an age that extra curricular activities are necessary in their lives.
And for my wild children, extracurriculars cannot be an organized activities (like swimming classes, kids yoga or music classes) as they do not want to stay still and follow any sort of direction.
I hope some day we can do those things but right now why put them (and me) through the stress.
They want to run free and explore!
That is just their style.
And I love my free thinking, wild, climbing, exploring, gutsy, 'never quite moving' little girls!

Much love,

Jessica

wonderful connections

Today we are going on a play date!
I am very excited.

I know playdates are for my kids, but I am slowly appreciating the effects it has on me.
I used to hate any type of play date or group, as it was so very difficult to bring two very dependant children anywhere with out the help of another.
Now my kids are more independent.
Chloe is walking and Charlotte may not be walking but she can hold her own by crawling.
Most of the time they are content to be left on their own to play.
They are prime playgroup kids now!

For the past 2 weeks I have been craving time with fellow women.
Going to playgroups satisfies that craving.
It could be that I am babysitting two days a week now and am permanently at home with the girls
(I only go into the city for my 'spa job' on Saturdays when the girls are with Court.)

I love staying at home with the wee ladies and the two boys I sit are incredible little guys, but the conversation is lacking while I am with them.
It is very one sided and most of it is in song  (when I am with kids I tend to make everything in a song, I am sure it can get incredibly annoying to outsiders...)

Last week I had a book club meeting and a chance to satisfy my cravings for adult time.
It was a great!
Wonderful women and great conversation!
It was great to have a chance to realize that you are not alone in your frustrations with the world.

Getting together with woman I trust and appreciate is a wonderful joy.
Today I get to satisfy the craving for adult time with wonderful people again with my play date!

Today we are meeting up at a friends place outside of town. Her home a wonderful place for a play group and the drive there is awesome.
All back roads.
A great time to relax and the girls usually nap .

This get together is filled with woman who are 'first time mom's' and we seem to all share the same parenting style.

Creating strong bonds with other woman is vital, especially as a mom but really at any point in our lives.
It allows to notice that we are not alone in our feelings of frustration.
It allows for laughs and simple way to make you feel lighter.
It creates the sense of unity, understanding and community.
It allows you to feel validated in the feelings that sometimes if you are left alone with can make you think you are going crazy.

Supporting and honoring each other is something I wish I saw more of (from myself and others).

As women, we can be our worst enemies.
We can be quick to judge and degrade other women out of jealousy, frustration and spite.
We gossip and belittle.
We can be quite awful to one another.

I think it is just something we are just used to doing.
I truly believe that we are not bad people. It is just so common to see other woman breaking each other down.

I know many women who have great intentions, but end up judging and gossiping each other on their choices and decisions instead of supporting them.
( I am can be one of these woman with great intentions but poor follow through)

I am breaking the cycle.
Today.
Right now.

We all need support.
We all need compassion.

The last thing we need is judgement and hurt.
Life is hard enough with out having to deal with the belittling of outsiders.

We are all in the same situation.
We truly are.

We are all navigating through the seas of life trying to figure out which way to go.
Nobody has the answers or the right way.
If we did, wouldn't we all be doing it then?


Power of connection:

We are one in the same
We understand to the core

We sometimes believe we are so different
though truly we aren't
we all go through the same motions
and plan the same trip
but we reach different points
along our unique journey through life

we do not want to hurt
we do not want to judge
take it all away

our provisions and love
vital to growth
understanding
and light

We are a powerful force
that can be a well oiled machine
if the proper support is given
the proper love is received


I wish you all a wonderful day!

Much love,

Jessica

Birthday celebrations

Last night we had Courts birthday get together.
A low key and relaxed shin dig with pizza, beer and sports.
I was exactly what the birthday boy needed!

I was such a fun night.
Good company, good food and lots of laughs!

I love the feel after a relaxed night with friends.
It is amazing how happy connecting with others makes you feel.
Connection and relationships really are an integral part of happiness.

When you get so busy in life it is so nice to stop and do something a little different.
It rejuvenates.

I feel happy this morning.
Relaxed and fresh.

connections:

like diving into the cool blue sea,
or a drink of fresh lemonade,

the feeling so deep,
so calm,
so happy

the airiness
the freshness
the connection
the love

what you bring to my perception
it is welcomed with open arms

a reminder,
a splendid truth
that we are all here

moving along with each other
forging our paths
unveiling  our lives

Thank you everyone who came out for courts party!
I was a big success!

I wish you all a wonderful day!

Much love,

Jessica

noticing the joy

Yesterday I was in a bad mood.
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
The girls woke up on the wrong side of their bed.
Even Court woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

I was feeling awful.
We were all feeling awful.

There was a negative energy floating around my house yesterday morning.

It would have been so easy to just wallow in our own pity party all day, but I decided the girls and I were going to have a morning out.
I had no idea what I was going to do. I called a few friends, but no one was available. It was quite early when I started planning our morning, so I wasn't surprised in the least that I could not get a hold of anyone.

We drove Court into work and headed on our way to the city.
This was great because my wee grumpaloo's slept on the way in.

I decided to go to kid kaf in bells corners. They have tones of plastic play structures for kids to play on, and my children go crazy for them. They are climbers. They climb everything and are so proud when they do it to. It is amazing to watch.

We got to kid kaf at around 9:30 am. The ladies were all refreshed from their sleep and were ready to play.

Charlotte went straight for a small play structure with a ladder and a small slide. It was directly in front of where I was sitting. She climbed up to the top of the slide and just stood up there for a good 15 minutes. She was watching everyone and laughing. She was higher then most kids and she was loving here view.

Chloe went straight for the play kitchen. She kept taking all the toys and putting them in the oven. She would put them in, close the oven, then open it again to get the toys back. Every time she would retrieve a toy from the oven she would look over at me with a huge grin.

They are such little hams!

I watched them play and walk around. They were having so much fun!
I was watching them interact with other kids, that was really neat to see.
There were a lot of older boys around the ages of 2 and 3 at kid kaf yesterday. I was noticing that when one of the boys would take a toy that Chloe was playing with, she would follow them around and when they were least expecting it she would steal her toy back.
As soon as she would have it in her hands she would walk away from them as quickly as possible. There was no crying or screaming (like when her sister steals a toy from her) she simply and meticulously would get the toy back. 
Also I noticed that the girls were mostly playing in completely different ends of the room, but no matter what, if something happened to either of them (like Chloe fell or Charlotte got pushed over by another kid) the girls would find each other to make sure they were ok. It was wild!
At home or on play dates, I don't get to see that becausee they are always together or very close to one another. It was amazing to watch their connection.

There was not a sign at all that they were a little grumpy earlier.
All they needed was a change of scenery.
I think they also needed a break from each other.
They needed a venue to play in were they could have their own space.

As I observed my amazing little girls, I felt happier.

I thought to my self, "why can' they just be enough?"
Why do I get my self all in a tizzy, all angry and grumpy?
Why can't the innocence and joy of my two lovely little girls be enough?

I think we all get like this.
We start over thinking.
We throw pity parties and worry to much.

Really, why can't life just be enough for us some days?
The simple joys in lives.

Why can't we justt appreciate the little things to make us happy?
like the smile from our partners, instead of being angry that they never seem to listen to you.
or the silence of the morning, instead of always going and moving.
or the cat whiskers on your face in the morning instead of being mad you didn't get to sleep in.
the phone call from your grandparents instead of being stressed because you are too busy and have no time to talk.
why can't we take joy in the simple things that matter?


We all have joy in our lives, we just need to notice it more.
Why don't we?

 It is there, I promise!

Everyone chases after happiness, not noticing that happiness is right at their heels.
-Bertolt Bretcht

Have a wonderful day everyone!

Much love,

Jessica

 

spring rejuvention

I woke up this morning to birds chirping outside.
We slept with our window open.
My side of the bed is directly under the window.
It is wonderful.

Spring is here!

I used to enjoy winter to an extent (before the girls arrived) but this winter I had a dreadful time.
Maybe it was the snow pants and boots for two one year old's or maybe I am just getting older and I have stopped most of the my winter activities (When I was younger I skied and snowboarded. Two expensive and time consuming activities.)
I just couldn't wait for winter's end this year.

Thank goodness it appears like we have made it through.
I believe spring is here.
A time for change and rejuvenation.

a time of change
a time of warmth
new life emerging from under sludge
the bright new colours
the bright long days

Spring is here
Hear my praise!

the world emerges
in its ballroom gown
for another chance to hit the town

the deep cold winter
has come and gone
as we sit back
and watch our new world
emerging through the ground

Change of seasons
our blessed gift
my favorite part about to hit
the change to warm and loving sun
with bright green grass
and colorful buds

with love and happy
feelings coming through
and all the warmth it brings to you.

Spring
my favorite time of year
rejuvenation and warmth
deep to my soul


I hope you all have wonderful day!

Much love,

Jessica