My vow to change

This morning sucks and it is all my fault!

A little self deprecating, but right now I don't care.

I woke up from a not so smooth night with Canton and I guess it made me feel a little "grumpy".

I was trying really hard to pretend to be happy to be up for the day at 6:00 am, but I lost it.

I lost it on my girls.

Everything they did seemed to rub me the wrong way, and during breakfast I broke.  

I yelled, felt guilty and cried.

After my guilt tears, I finally composed myself and put on a "mom" smile for the sake of my kids and myself.

After breakfast, I was washing up Charlotte and Chloe, and Char says to me with a big smile:

"Mommy, you are not mean anymore."

It broke my heart.

Yelling is mean, especially to my two year olds.

Right now I am publicly vowing to stop yelling, altogether. I am not going to yell anymore. It makes people feel awful. And do I really want that?

I know if my husband (or any of my family for that matter) is reading this he will not believe my vow as I have been a passionate yeller forever. But honestly, I am done.

I know breaking coping patterns is tough but I need to find more productive ways to get my point across and not take things to personally (like when Chloe and Char disobey me or not listen, I need to remember not to take it so personally and get so angry about it.)

It is only 9:00 am, so I have the power to change the direction of this day.

It is not going to be negative.

We will have a good day!

Much love,

Jessica