Thank you everyone for the wonderful birthday messages for the twins!.
The girls had their birthday. It was marvelous!
They ate way to much junk food for a child and loved all the attention.
They were very full of life this weekend and though they didn't seem to grasp it was their birthday, they did seem to grasp it was a special weekend.
They were spoiled with presents from family. Which you are allowed to be when you are turning one!
Court and I had a hard time trying to figure out what to get them. I mean, they have so many toys and so many clothes. they are still too young to really care for presents, but we didn't want to not get them anything.
We finally decided on getting a local artist , Kate Rykman, to create a piece of art for them. It incorporated their favorite things (colors chloe: pink and Charlotte: yellow and toys Chloe: her stuffed bear-bear and Charlotte: her stuffed duckie) as well as a poem for each of them that I wrote. Kate did a fantastic job! Her work is exceptional! I though about hanging the picture in the girls room but they are so fantastic, I want everyone to see them so they are in the hallway. The pictures are mementos that we will treasure forever, and though the girls could care less about them right now, I know they will cherish them in the future. (I will post pictures of them but I can't find my camera. I can't seem to find it. I used it alot this weekend!)
Well I woke up little later then usual and don't have much more time to write. I hear baby cries and giggles :)
Hope you all have a wonderful day!
Much Love,
Jessica
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Happy Birthday Chloe and Charlotte!
Today is my sweet little girls 1st birthday.
Chloe and Charlotte are one year old today. I still can't believe it! My little ladies are growing up right before my eyes.
Last year at this time I was lying in a hospital bed, waiting to be brought to the O.R. I was reading "Can you keep a secret?" and letting Court sleep on the chair beside me. This was all in a attempt to try to keep my mind off the anticipation of seeing my babies for the first time and worry about what my life was going to be like in just a few hours. The months of preparation while I was pregnant could not have prepared me for this last year.
This last year was life-altering. Truly life-changing. Chloe and Charlotte emerged into this world turned everything upside down. We immediately knew that they were special. They were special to us. They completed us.
I am not going to lie and say that transitioning into a new family was not hard, because all dramatic change is hard. It was tough. The first 6 months are a blur of diapers, bottles and exhaustion. I mourned the loss of of old life and my total sense of selfish freedom. The dynamic between Court and I had changed. We were parents.We had to work as a full powering team. It was difficult to do that. My old style of dealing with him was to yell at him, tell him I was right and leave to cool down. Not a good communication method when you have two babies you both are responsible for.
Nothing was the same once I met Chloe and Charlotte, because once they were in my life, they were my life. They were my reason for existence.
I had let my old selfish being melt away to make room for the new 'mommy' being. I realized that this is where I am suppose to be. The dynamics in my relationships and life had changed but I couldn't imagine going back to the way they were before.
My reason for existence, my precious girls, have changed everything for me. A year ago they came to be, and brought with them intensity to emotions that I had never felt before.
I will never forget the joy I felt the first time I held them, so small and delicate.
Or the fear and adrenaline that over came me when Chloe choked on her bottle for the first time. Nothing had ever scared me so much as the though of her not being able to breath.
Or the confidence as a mom I felt when I realized that I could cuddle both of them at the same time.
Or the happiness when they said "mama" for the first time
Or the love I feel when I see Court playing with our girls and the look of unconditional love that they have for him, and knowing they have the same look for me.
Or the pure joy I feel everyday when they smile at me.
Or the pride I feel when they learn a new skill. How the look over at me with their beautiful big blue eyes and a huge smile. It is like they are saying "I did it! Look at me mommy, I did it!"
Chloe and Charlotte are the reason I want to be a better person. They make me believe that I can be. For two wee little things, they are very powerful.
They are two very special girls. They have filled this year with amazing memories, and I can't wait to make more special memories with them.
Happy Birthday Chloe and Charlotte.
I love you forever,
I'll like you for always
as long as I am living
my babies you'll be!
-Robert Munsch
Much love,
Jessica
Chloe and Charlotte are one year old today. I still can't believe it! My little ladies are growing up right before my eyes.
Last year at this time I was lying in a hospital bed, waiting to be brought to the O.R. I was reading "Can you keep a secret?" and letting Court sleep on the chair beside me. This was all in a attempt to try to keep my mind off the anticipation of seeing my babies for the first time and worry about what my life was going to be like in just a few hours. The months of preparation while I was pregnant could not have prepared me for this last year.
This last year was life-altering. Truly life-changing. Chloe and Charlotte emerged into this world turned everything upside down. We immediately knew that they were special. They were special to us. They completed us.
I am not going to lie and say that transitioning into a new family was not hard, because all dramatic change is hard. It was tough. The first 6 months are a blur of diapers, bottles and exhaustion. I mourned the loss of of old life and my total sense of selfish freedom. The dynamic between Court and I had changed. We were parents.We had to work as a full powering team. It was difficult to do that. My old style of dealing with him was to yell at him, tell him I was right and leave to cool down. Not a good communication method when you have two babies you both are responsible for.
Nothing was the same once I met Chloe and Charlotte, because once they were in my life, they were my life. They were my reason for existence.
I had let my old selfish being melt away to make room for the new 'mommy' being. I realized that this is where I am suppose to be. The dynamics in my relationships and life had changed but I couldn't imagine going back to the way they were before.
My reason for existence, my precious girls, have changed everything for me. A year ago they came to be, and brought with them intensity to emotions that I had never felt before.
I will never forget the joy I felt the first time I held them, so small and delicate.
Or the fear and adrenaline that over came me when Chloe choked on her bottle for the first time. Nothing had ever scared me so much as the though of her not being able to breath.
Or the confidence as a mom I felt when I realized that I could cuddle both of them at the same time.
Or the happiness when they said "mama" for the first time
Or the love I feel when I see Court playing with our girls and the look of unconditional love that they have for him, and knowing they have the same look for me.
Or the pure joy I feel everyday when they smile at me.
Or the pride I feel when they learn a new skill. How the look over at me with their beautiful big blue eyes and a huge smile. It is like they are saying "I did it! Look at me mommy, I did it!"
Chloe and Charlotte are the reason I want to be a better person. They make me believe that I can be. For two wee little things, they are very powerful.
They are two very special girls. They have filled this year with amazing memories, and I can't wait to make more special memories with them.
Happy Birthday Chloe and Charlotte.
I love you forever,
I'll like you for always
as long as I am living
my babies you'll be!
-Robert Munsch
Much love,
Jessica
Friday, January 28, 2011
We are beautiful (a post for all the women)
"When men go gray they look distinguished, when women go grey they just look old"
Yesterday I had a conversation with a women on this statement. She is in the process of letting her dyed hair grow out to it's natural white, and it looks great.
I really believe that we all look older when we go grey, but isn't that is the point? We are getting older. But when was it decided that only men are allowed to hold the title of 'distinguished' when they age and not women? Why, as we age, are we striving to look younger? Why is not normal to embrace your age and look beautiful there, the place in which you should be proud that you have come to?
This thought got me thinking of women and our expected appearance.
(I am going to apologize in advance, I am on a slight feminist rant this morning. Sometimes I think in a past life I was a Suffragette, or a feminist from the 1960's. :)
I am all for dying and styling your hair, wearing fancy clothes, waxing, and wearing makeup. That is one of the best parts of being a girl. We are able to use our bodies as a art display. Showing the world who we are and what we want in life. We have the power to create how we feel about ourselves. Making our faces and bodies appear the way we want is part of that journey. Looking 'pretty' can be an empowering thing.
I just don't believe that everyone embraces that feeling of looking 'pretty' as an empowering quality. I fear that it has become a burden and an expectation for most women to wear makeup, to do their hair, to have no hair on their bodies, or to not look old. We try so hard most days to look perfect, that the failure in that goal can bring us crumbling down. We let bad hair day ruin our day, sometimes week. Some women feel vulnerable and naked with out makeup on and won't even leave there house with out it.
Is that want we want for women?
Is that what we want to teach to our girls?
We need to embrace our true being. Take care of your body. Take care of your spirit. We need to let go of these obsessions on what we have decided beauty is. Embrace the feeling of taking care of yourself, allowing yourself to indulge in beauty, and making it fun and uplifting. We need less obligation and less judgments to our women.
We are all beautiful. All of us. We encompass beauty in our existence. That is part of our awesome qualities as Women. We are grace, love, tenderness and beauty.
That sounds like such a cliche, but it is true. Being a good person, being kind and loving, being true and honest to yourself, these qualities project beauty.
Have you ever met someone who doesn't look 'conventionally beautiful' but as you indulge in conversation with them they start to appear more and more enchanting to you?
this speaks true to the fact that our presence and our attitude speaks much more loudly then our outer appearance.
I want my girls to grow up knowing that they are beautiful. I want them to know that they are beauty to the core, that their true being is beautiful, not just their outer appearance. Being honest to themselves is what makes them beautiful.
I know that they will learn this from me. It is very important to me that they feel empowered as women. But it would be much easier if the rest of the world followed suit. It would be less of an up hill battle to teach all of our precious children that they are the beauty that the world exists to. They define what is beauty, and if we let the strict parameters of beauty disappear, the wouldn't we all feel a little more free?
Beauty exists in everyone.
I hope you all have a wonderful day!
Much love,
Jessica
Yesterday I had a conversation with a women on this statement. She is in the process of letting her dyed hair grow out to it's natural white, and it looks great.
I really believe that we all look older when we go grey, but isn't that is the point? We are getting older. But when was it decided that only men are allowed to hold the title of 'distinguished' when they age and not women? Why, as we age, are we striving to look younger? Why is not normal to embrace your age and look beautiful there, the place in which you should be proud that you have come to?
This thought got me thinking of women and our expected appearance.
(I am going to apologize in advance, I am on a slight feminist rant this morning. Sometimes I think in a past life I was a Suffragette, or a feminist from the 1960's. :)
I am all for dying and styling your hair, wearing fancy clothes, waxing, and wearing makeup. That is one of the best parts of being a girl. We are able to use our bodies as a art display. Showing the world who we are and what we want in life. We have the power to create how we feel about ourselves. Making our faces and bodies appear the way we want is part of that journey. Looking 'pretty' can be an empowering thing.
I just don't believe that everyone embraces that feeling of looking 'pretty' as an empowering quality. I fear that it has become a burden and an expectation for most women to wear makeup, to do their hair, to have no hair on their bodies, or to not look old. We try so hard most days to look perfect, that the failure in that goal can bring us crumbling down. We let bad hair day ruin our day, sometimes week. Some women feel vulnerable and naked with out makeup on and won't even leave there house with out it.
Is that want we want for women?
Is that what we want to teach to our girls?
We need to embrace our true being. Take care of your body. Take care of your spirit. We need to let go of these obsessions on what we have decided beauty is. Embrace the feeling of taking care of yourself, allowing yourself to indulge in beauty, and making it fun and uplifting. We need less obligation and less judgments to our women.
We are all beautiful. All of us. We encompass beauty in our existence. That is part of our awesome qualities as Women. We are grace, love, tenderness and beauty.
That sounds like such a cliche, but it is true. Being a good person, being kind and loving, being true and honest to yourself, these qualities project beauty.
Have you ever met someone who doesn't look 'conventionally beautiful' but as you indulge in conversation with them they start to appear more and more enchanting to you?
this speaks true to the fact that our presence and our attitude speaks much more loudly then our outer appearance.
I want my girls to grow up knowing that they are beautiful. I want them to know that they are beauty to the core, that their true being is beautiful, not just their outer appearance. Being honest to themselves is what makes them beautiful.
I know that they will learn this from me. It is very important to me that they feel empowered as women. But it would be much easier if the rest of the world followed suit. It would be less of an up hill battle to teach all of our precious children that they are the beauty that the world exists to. They define what is beauty, and if we let the strict parameters of beauty disappear, the wouldn't we all feel a little more free?
Beauty exists in everyone.
I hope you all have a wonderful day!
Much love,
Jessica
Thursday, January 27, 2011
A blip in my joyful day.
To start, I want to thank everyone who seemed genuinely concerned about my mental space/bad day on Tuesday. Thank you!
It such an amazing feeling to realize that there are so many people who love you and want to help you through your bad days. I truly feel blessed to have the friends and family I have.
I also come bearing good news. Yesterday was a great day. I felt so much better. I got a great sleep, woke up to a super happy husband (Court is about to start a new job that he has waited for a while and I think the idea of the change is making him extremely happy), had time to blog and get ready for the morning. It started of fantastic. Once the girls got up, we were able to have a calm enough breakfast and then head out. We went for a long walk and then headed up to the early years center playgroup. It was so nice. The girls got fresh air and got to play with new toys and other children. They loved it. I also got some much needed fresh air, watched my children have a ball and got to interact with some pretty cool parents at the playgroup. The morning was fantastic.
Since playgroup tuckered the ladies out, their nap was an epic 3 hours. It gave me lots of time to cross of some tasks from my to do list, do a yoga blog post and even downloaded some beautiful music. It was nice. I even got to go for a nice long walk with a great friend in the evening. The day was shaping up to be a day that fills me with joy.
I did however have one slip up. I was kind of thinking about leaving it out since the rest of the day was a perfect day for the 'happiness project' but that would not be cool. I need to honest!
So here it is, my blip:
Once Court gets home, it is always nice. The babies are excited. He is excited. They play for a while, it is great! This usually gives me like 20 minutes to get organized and ready for the chaos of the night. I need to use that time wisely to feel organized to deal with my little ladies at there worst time of their day.
I however decided to watch 'Oprah' instead. I really was setting myself up for disaster.
She was having a special on happiness. I was to excited to see it!
So for whatever reason, I decided that because I wanted to watch Oprah right then, that my children would be calm and quiet and dinner would magically get ready on its own. I can tell you that plan was a epic failure. The ladies were chaotic, they were over excited daddy was home and getting hungry. Court was trying so hard to keep them calm as he could see I really wanted to see this special, but it wasn't really working. I got internally frustrated and paused/taped the show for after dinner.
"OK" I said to myself as I got dinner ready "You handled that well. You didn't project an angry or frustrated attitude on to your family. good on you!"
Well I felt good, I didn't get to angry at Court for not doing a better job at 'containing' the babies, which I know that really nobody could have done. I didn't get to frustrated at the fact that I had two extra demanding girls that day. I just dealt with it. This was a step in the right direction.
We had dinner, went up for bath time and came back down for a little bit of play before bed. The little ladies were much happier and were playing independently on the floor, so I decided to finally watch Oprah.
Well I started to watch it, and Court kept trying to talk to me. He kept wanting to show me stuff on the Internet. I got mad at him. I wanted to be left alone to watch my show. I know it is awful. I acted like a terrible wife and friend. He just wanted to engage with me after a long day and I got frustrated with him. Then to make it even worse, the PVR messed up and didn't tape the end of the show. I got very mad and took it out on him. I acted like it was his fault. It was immature behaviour. It was an awful 10 minutes of the night.
Luckily, he was in a great mood last night so he just brushed off my behaviour as a 'blip' in the day and didn't seem to take any of it personally. I am glad for that.
It didn't take long for me become 'me' again. I think Court noticed how bad I felt for my momentary craziness and he put on "Just the way you are" by Bruno Mars (we sing that to the girls, it is a really cute song, the girls giggle every time) and we danced around with the babies. (I am sure Courts masculinity would not appreciate me telling you that he danced and sang to Bruno Mars, but I think this is an important part of the story. )
I felt better. It was a surprise to me to see my family happy to want to be around me after I acted the a Class A grump! I guess that is the true meaning unconditional love.
Now the irony of this story is that the special was on Happiness. I created so much drama for a special on HAPPINESS.
I made me think that maybe we spend so much time reading and trying to understand things like happiness, that we forget to notice the moments that make us happy. If I wasn't so concerned with the Oprah special, I would have noticed more moments of simple pure joy in my own home last night. Simple moments in the night with my family that would have made me much happier, definitely happier then then seeing Oprah talk about who is the happiest city in America.
So today, if a moment arises that I am getting frustrated about not being able to get something done, I am going to remember that the moments around me are much better and fulfilling then the task I need/want to get done.
I hope you hall have a fulfilling day!
Much Love,
Jessica
It such an amazing feeling to realize that there are so many people who love you and want to help you through your bad days. I truly feel blessed to have the friends and family I have.
I also come bearing good news. Yesterday was a great day. I felt so much better. I got a great sleep, woke up to a super happy husband (Court is about to start a new job that he has waited for a while and I think the idea of the change is making him extremely happy), had time to blog and get ready for the morning. It started of fantastic. Once the girls got up, we were able to have a calm enough breakfast and then head out. We went for a long walk and then headed up to the early years center playgroup. It was so nice. The girls got fresh air and got to play with new toys and other children. They loved it. I also got some much needed fresh air, watched my children have a ball and got to interact with some pretty cool parents at the playgroup. The morning was fantastic.
Since playgroup tuckered the ladies out, their nap was an epic 3 hours. It gave me lots of time to cross of some tasks from my to do list, do a yoga blog post and even downloaded some beautiful music. It was nice. I even got to go for a nice long walk with a great friend in the evening. The day was shaping up to be a day that fills me with joy.
I did however have one slip up. I was kind of thinking about leaving it out since the rest of the day was a perfect day for the 'happiness project' but that would not be cool. I need to honest!
So here it is, my blip:
Once Court gets home, it is always nice. The babies are excited. He is excited. They play for a while, it is great! This usually gives me like 20 minutes to get organized and ready for the chaos of the night. I need to use that time wisely to feel organized to deal with my little ladies at there worst time of their day.
I however decided to watch 'Oprah' instead. I really was setting myself up for disaster.
She was having a special on happiness. I was to excited to see it!
So for whatever reason, I decided that because I wanted to watch Oprah right then, that my children would be calm and quiet and dinner would magically get ready on its own. I can tell you that plan was a epic failure. The ladies were chaotic, they were over excited daddy was home and getting hungry. Court was trying so hard to keep them calm as he could see I really wanted to see this special, but it wasn't really working. I got internally frustrated and paused/taped the show for after dinner.
"OK" I said to myself as I got dinner ready "You handled that well. You didn't project an angry or frustrated attitude on to your family. good on you!"
Well I felt good, I didn't get to angry at Court for not doing a better job at 'containing' the babies, which I know that really nobody could have done. I didn't get to frustrated at the fact that I had two extra demanding girls that day. I just dealt with it. This was a step in the right direction.
We had dinner, went up for bath time and came back down for a little bit of play before bed. The little ladies were much happier and were playing independently on the floor, so I decided to finally watch Oprah.
Well I started to watch it, and Court kept trying to talk to me. He kept wanting to show me stuff on the Internet. I got mad at him. I wanted to be left alone to watch my show. I know it is awful. I acted like a terrible wife and friend. He just wanted to engage with me after a long day and I got frustrated with him. Then to make it even worse, the PVR messed up and didn't tape the end of the show. I got very mad and took it out on him. I acted like it was his fault. It was immature behaviour. It was an awful 10 minutes of the night.
Luckily, he was in a great mood last night so he just brushed off my behaviour as a 'blip' in the day and didn't seem to take any of it personally. I am glad for that.
It didn't take long for me become 'me' again. I think Court noticed how bad I felt for my momentary craziness and he put on "Just the way you are" by Bruno Mars (we sing that to the girls, it is a really cute song, the girls giggle every time) and we danced around with the babies. (I am sure Courts masculinity would not appreciate me telling you that he danced and sang to Bruno Mars, but I think this is an important part of the story. )
I felt better. It was a surprise to me to see my family happy to want to be around me after I acted the a Class A grump! I guess that is the true meaning unconditional love.
Now the irony of this story is that the special was on Happiness. I created so much drama for a special on HAPPINESS.
I made me think that maybe we spend so much time reading and trying to understand things like happiness, that we forget to notice the moments that make us happy. If I wasn't so concerned with the Oprah special, I would have noticed more moments of simple pure joy in my own home last night. Simple moments in the night with my family that would have made me much happier, definitely happier then then seeing Oprah talk about who is the happiest city in America.
So today, if a moment arises that I am getting frustrated about not being able to get something done, I am going to remember that the moments around me are much better and fulfilling then the task I need/want to get done.
I hope you hall have a fulfilling day!
Much Love,
Jessica
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Sleep, my beloved!
Yesterday was a bad day.
I tried to think of a way to start this blog without being to negative, but I just couldn't.
The day started off OK, a normal day but it slowly went downhill. It wasn't a catastrophic events that sets the day into a downward spiral (like the babies are sick or the car breaks down) the day just slowly disintegrated to dust, a big pile of crappy dust.
In hindsight, a couple factors played into the demise of my day. First being the fact that the babies and I have been mostly house bound for the last week and a half. Courtney is now back at work, so he takes the car (we are a one car family). This means the babies and I are footing it if we want to go anywhere. I actually don't mind this. My children are outdoor babies so walks are amazing for all of us, but it is just not good mothering to takes them out for a walk in -30 degree weather. Their poor little faces would freeze, no matter how much I bundled them up. We have tried our best to keep each day exciting but yesterday I was just exhausted of trying. All I wanted to do was not talk to anyone and curl up in my bed. We all have those days right? Where the mere though of trying to converse with someone just seem to exhausting to tackle. Well I discovered yesterday that you are not allowed to indulge in that feeling when you have children. They want you to talk to them, sing to them and read to them even if you are too tired to do so.
And the babies were not to happy either. They were crawling around the house like little lost puppies. Going from one thing to the next. It was like they wanted something specific and just couldn't find it. They could not be pleased.
All three of us were inflicted with cabin fever and not afraid to show it.
And secondly I have been lacking on taking care of my body. I have been quite caught up in the mental aspects of my life, that I have put my physical well being on the back burner. I have been OK (could be better) with trying to eat more naturally. I am still active in my yoga practice but with out our daily walks or my cardio workouts (which I have been kinda skimping on since I had that flu) my activity level could be better. But the main component that I have been neglectful to in my sleep.
I am going to bed way to late for the time I wake up at. Most nights I work on the computer for a bit, hangout with court, then watch some TV. Usually after I am done watching TV, I have pushed my body way to far past exhaustion that it takes everything out of me to climb the stairs to bed. Most night I just fall into bed, without even washing my face and brushing my teeth (I know it is gross!).
Well that has to stop.
It makes me feel like crap, I don't sleep soundly when I let myself get that tired. When I don't sleep as soundly I am much more tired the next day and there for elicit even more 'bad' behaviours (overeating, grumpiness, whinyness etc.)
I am glad I acknowledged this as a negative trait of mine and decided to change it.
I had to work yesterday and was drained at work. I decided to come straight home (sorry Linds, I missed your class :( ) and eat some dinner with Courtney, and head up stairs to begin my 'bedtime routine'.
As adults we can really takes some ques from babies. I know my babies sleep so much better when we are consistent with their bedtime routine (dinner, play, bath, massage, story, and bed.)
So I changed me clothes, washed my face, brushed my teeth, used my awesome lavendar lotion, and was going to read for a bit but by the time I finished I was actually falling asleep.
It made a huge difference. I fell asleep quickly and it was a deeper sleep. Today I feel awesome. Much more rested.
I feel ready to conquer my day with energy!
I even checked the weather network and it looks like today might be a nice day. Much more bearable temperatures. It is quite possible that we will get outside today.
I hope you all have a wonderful day!
Much Love,
Jessica
I tried to think of a way to start this blog without being to negative, but I just couldn't.
The day started off OK, a normal day but it slowly went downhill. It wasn't a catastrophic events that sets the day into a downward spiral (like the babies are sick or the car breaks down) the day just slowly disintegrated to dust, a big pile of crappy dust.
In hindsight, a couple factors played into the demise of my day. First being the fact that the babies and I have been mostly house bound for the last week and a half. Courtney is now back at work, so he takes the car (we are a one car family). This means the babies and I are footing it if we want to go anywhere. I actually don't mind this. My children are outdoor babies so walks are amazing for all of us, but it is just not good mothering to takes them out for a walk in -30 degree weather. Their poor little faces would freeze, no matter how much I bundled them up. We have tried our best to keep each day exciting but yesterday I was just exhausted of trying. All I wanted to do was not talk to anyone and curl up in my bed. We all have those days right? Where the mere though of trying to converse with someone just seem to exhausting to tackle. Well I discovered yesterday that you are not allowed to indulge in that feeling when you have children. They want you to talk to them, sing to them and read to them even if you are too tired to do so.
And the babies were not to happy either. They were crawling around the house like little lost puppies. Going from one thing to the next. It was like they wanted something specific and just couldn't find it. They could not be pleased.
All three of us were inflicted with cabin fever and not afraid to show it.
And secondly I have been lacking on taking care of my body. I have been quite caught up in the mental aspects of my life, that I have put my physical well being on the back burner. I have been OK (could be better) with trying to eat more naturally. I am still active in my yoga practice but with out our daily walks or my cardio workouts (which I have been kinda skimping on since I had that flu) my activity level could be better. But the main component that I have been neglectful to in my sleep.
I am going to bed way to late for the time I wake up at. Most nights I work on the computer for a bit, hangout with court, then watch some TV. Usually after I am done watching TV, I have pushed my body way to far past exhaustion that it takes everything out of me to climb the stairs to bed. Most night I just fall into bed, without even washing my face and brushing my teeth (I know it is gross!).
Well that has to stop.
It makes me feel like crap, I don't sleep soundly when I let myself get that tired. When I don't sleep as soundly I am much more tired the next day and there for elicit even more 'bad' behaviours (overeating, grumpiness, whinyness etc.)
I am glad I acknowledged this as a negative trait of mine and decided to change it.
I had to work yesterday and was drained at work. I decided to come straight home (sorry Linds, I missed your class :( ) and eat some dinner with Courtney, and head up stairs to begin my 'bedtime routine'.
As adults we can really takes some ques from babies. I know my babies sleep so much better when we are consistent with their bedtime routine (dinner, play, bath, massage, story, and bed.)
So I changed me clothes, washed my face, brushed my teeth, used my awesome lavendar lotion, and was going to read for a bit but by the time I finished I was actually falling asleep.
It made a huge difference. I fell asleep quickly and it was a deeper sleep. Today I feel awesome. Much more rested.
I feel ready to conquer my day with energy!
I even checked the weather network and it looks like today might be a nice day. Much more bearable temperatures. It is quite possible that we will get outside today.
I hope you all have a wonderful day!
Much Love,
Jessica
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
My love for yoga.
I love yoga. I love the physical asanas and mostly I love the spiritual connection is allows me to feel.
I have started teaching again (I took a long break when I was pregnant and recovering from my c-section), but I have started teaching again. Lindsay and I have actually started up a yoga studio together, Namaste Yoga Studio. It is doing well! I am so excited. It is getting busier, slowly but surely!
You should come check out a class, the first one is always free of charge!
It is so exciting to build that part of my life up again. I didn't realize how much I missed teaching till I started back up again.
I teach on Monday nights. It's a goodnight class. It is a mixed class of hatha and yin poses with a focus on meditation, philosophy discussion and relaxation. It a great way to wind down a Monday night. I love teaching the goodnight class. I allows me to not only help people relax, which is really my 'bread and butter' but it also allows for discussion on topics that usually I don't get to talk about much (except on this blog :)
Last night the theme of our class was 'surrender'.
Surrendering your ego to a greater good. Let your ego give way to the divine ego- of grace, peace, unconditional love, clarity and freedom. Find the Divinity in every moment. Embrace and discover your own intimate connection to the universe.
"Through surrender the aspirants ego is effaced and grace pours down him like torrential rains"
B.K Iyengar
I enjoy this concept. But what does it mean?
When reading and incorporating yogic concepts into our western lives, it can be hard to determine how to do this.
How can we find divinity in every moment, when it all moves so fast?
Can we really find divinity in our lives?
How can grace pour down on us?
I find when I am reading articles and quotes on yogic traditions and concepts I tend to think "Well that is awesome, I wish I could feel that way, but I don't know where to start. Maybe if I lived on a Ashram in India that would be easier to incorporate in to my life." But I have come to realize I am thinking about it all wrong.
True, these concepts were established in Eastern philosophies and don't always fit right in with our western society, but the idea is what we want. It is like any spiritual practice, the literal explanation or description may not fit to your life exactly but the idea and belief behind is what we want to embrace.
Take 'Surrendar' for example,
"Through surrender the aspirants ego is effaced and grace pours down him like torrential rains"
is daunting concept.
but allow yourself to look at differently.
This is what it means to me:
As you let your self 'chill out' and let the world around you move it's own pace happiness and love is follow. If you have trust in the universe, good things will come. Enjoy the beauty in all things. Surrender your control.
It seems easier to understand when I break it down to 'how it makes me feel'. When it is easier to understand, it is easier to incorporate into my life.
Try doing this. To what ever spiritual venue to take in your life. When the concepts seem above what you can do, break it down to how it makes you feel.
I promise you, it will be much easier to incorporate the idea into your life.
I hope you all have a wonderful day.
Much Love,
Jessica
I have started teaching again (I took a long break when I was pregnant and recovering from my c-section), but I have started teaching again. Lindsay and I have actually started up a yoga studio together, Namaste Yoga Studio. It is doing well! I am so excited. It is getting busier, slowly but surely!
You should come check out a class, the first one is always free of charge!
It is so exciting to build that part of my life up again. I didn't realize how much I missed teaching till I started back up again.
I teach on Monday nights. It's a goodnight class. It is a mixed class of hatha and yin poses with a focus on meditation, philosophy discussion and relaxation. It a great way to wind down a Monday night. I love teaching the goodnight class. I allows me to not only help people relax, which is really my 'bread and butter' but it also allows for discussion on topics that usually I don't get to talk about much (except on this blog :)
Last night the theme of our class was 'surrender'.
Surrendering your ego to a greater good. Let your ego give way to the divine ego- of grace, peace, unconditional love, clarity and freedom. Find the Divinity in every moment. Embrace and discover your own intimate connection to the universe.
"Through surrender the aspirants ego is effaced and grace pours down him like torrential rains"
B.K Iyengar
I enjoy this concept. But what does it mean?
When reading and incorporating yogic concepts into our western lives, it can be hard to determine how to do this.
How can we find divinity in every moment, when it all moves so fast?
Can we really find divinity in our lives?
How can grace pour down on us?
I find when I am reading articles and quotes on yogic traditions and concepts I tend to think "Well that is awesome, I wish I could feel that way, but I don't know where to start. Maybe if I lived on a Ashram in India that would be easier to incorporate in to my life." But I have come to realize I am thinking about it all wrong.
True, these concepts were established in Eastern philosophies and don't always fit right in with our western society, but the idea is what we want. It is like any spiritual practice, the literal explanation or description may not fit to your life exactly but the idea and belief behind is what we want to embrace.
Take 'Surrendar' for example,
"Through surrender the aspirants ego is effaced and grace pours down him like torrential rains"
is daunting concept.
but allow yourself to look at differently.
This is what it means to me:
As you let your self 'chill out' and let the world around you move it's own pace happiness and love is follow. If you have trust in the universe, good things will come. Enjoy the beauty in all things. Surrender your control.
It seems easier to understand when I break it down to 'how it makes me feel'. When it is easier to understand, it is easier to incorporate into my life.
Try doing this. To what ever spiritual venue to take in your life. When the concepts seem above what you can do, break it down to how it makes you feel.
I promise you, it will be much easier to incorporate the idea into your life.
I hope you all have a wonderful day.
Much Love,
Jessica
Monday, January 24, 2011
Truths
My happiness project is moving along quite smoothly. I am shocked at how open I have been to changing my attitude. I though there would be more of an inner battle about the change, but not so much.
Even with the few slip ups each day (the nag her and there, the bout of yelling, the whining, gossiping etc. ) I still feel like I am making progress. The major difference now is that most of the time I feel like I am happier and acting that way, and when I do relapse a little, I recognize the behaviour much sooner. It is nice to see the change. Also I am much more connected to the reaction of my loved ones, and by the behaviour of those close to me, they seem to enjoy the change in me as well.
One thing that I haven't really done yet is declare me 'life truths' .
I did set up a list of things would contribute to my happiness in an earlier post, but I have not fully declared my truths to follow to create sustainable happiness. I am going to take this opportunity declare my new truths.
Jessica's truths:
But I am here now. Ready to reconnect.
Truths
by: Jess
we drift
we fly
we fall
we cry
We lose our way
our drifting souls
through
the deep unknown
how?
why?
rejoin the life
to its soul
to find our truth
and free our hearts
I wish you all a marvellous day.
Much Love,
Jessica
Even with the few slip ups each day (the nag her and there, the bout of yelling, the whining, gossiping etc. ) I still feel like I am making progress. The major difference now is that most of the time I feel like I am happier and acting that way, and when I do relapse a little, I recognize the behaviour much sooner. It is nice to see the change. Also I am much more connected to the reaction of my loved ones, and by the behaviour of those close to me, they seem to enjoy the change in me as well.
One thing that I haven't really done yet is declare me 'life truths' .
I did set up a list of things would contribute to my happiness in an earlier post, but I have not fully declared my truths to follow to create sustainable happiness. I am going to take this opportunity declare my new truths.
Jessica's truths:
- be kind
- Show love
- act to feel (act how I want to feel)
- be true (to myself)
- indulge more (on my hobbies/passion)
- judge less
- meditate often
- stay mindful
- be natural
- create the change
- be involved (as a mother, wife, daughter, sister, and friend)
But I am here now. Ready to reconnect.
Truths
by: Jess
we drift
we fly
we fall
we cry
We lose our way
our drifting souls
through
the deep unknown
how?
why?
rejoin the life
to its soul
to find our truth
and free our hearts
I wish you all a marvellous day.
Much Love,
Jessica
Sunday, January 23, 2011
My newest 'a ha' moment
I wrote yesterday about how I was going to blog about my bank experience, so here I go.
I hate banks! Everything about them. I associate anxiety to banks and money. Every time we leave some sort of financial meeting there is always a feeling of 'lose of self worth' that encapsulates both of us. I hate how when we go to a bank our 'not so desirable financial situation' is rubbed in my face again. I generally despise everything about having to deal with our finances outside the safety of our office desk with just Courtney and I. I don't know where this feeling originated but in the last 3 years it has gotten worse. I do my best at avoiding 'bank meeting situations' the best that I can. But unfortunately the time has arrived where are car lease is about to expire and we needed to get a car loan to buy out our car.
I stressed and stressed about this meeting for days. It was like a weight bearing down on me as I though about the meeting.
"What if they don't give us the money?"
"What will I do?"
"We need a car!!"
"What if they judge us on our financial situation! we are doing the best we can!"
"What if them makes us feel like crap for not owing a house, having to many credit card bills or having limited savings?"
These were all questions rolling through my head. It was exhausting! The anticipation of this meeting was awful. In hindsight, it did effect my attitude a little bit as well.
So Friday rolled along, Emy came over to babysit and Court and I headed to what I thought would be a self esteem crushing hour of our lives.
We met with the lady from the bank, as we walked to her office, I was stratigizing what I was going to say to make her realize that we were not financial idiots, that we just had a tough go for the last few years. Comments and Answers (prior to even hearing questions) were running through my mind. I was melting down before our conversation with her had started. It was quite awful. I felt so much anxiety walking to the bank ladies office, but then as soon as we entered the room, something in me changed. I took the chair furthest from the computer screen (so I could not see what she was doing as she attempted to get us money. Most bank meeting I sit so I can see the screen and micro manage in my head what they are doing) I also just stopped thinking. Seriously. I stopped for that hour. I probably looked like zombie to her. If she directly asked me a question I answered. But that was all. I usually answer all questions. Even if directed a Courtney. It is like I believe my answer will save the day and get us what we need and he is incapable of doing that. I logically know that thinking like that is ridiculous, but what can I say, stressful situations make me crazy!
So I just stopped worrying. I kept looking a the pictures of her kids on her desk and though about my kids. I didn't stress. I didn't breakdown our financial situation in my head. I didn't think about the long term future, I just though in 5 minute intervals. I didn't berate my self for being a financial idiot and make myself feel like less of a person. I just sat there waiting to hear what she was going to say to us next.
That step by step method of dealing if a stressful situation worked. I didn't feel anxiety. I didn't feel bad. I realized during the time we waited for her to input things into the computer, that whatever the outcome was, I was OK with it. If she couldn't help us out, that would be OK. We tried and we would have to move to plan B (I always have a plan B. I am to organized not to.) I realized that visiting banks is not the creator of the anxiety and stress I associate with fiances, it is me. It is me that creates the atmosphere of stress. I am the one who breaks us down, makes us feel like crap when we have to deal with fiances. It is me, because I hate our financial situation, I create the worry and stress. Well no more!
I had my 'a ha' moment in that office. I fully accepted our situation and knew then that it would get better. Some day I would like where we were financially. I would like it even better because I knew how tough it was to get there.
My 'a ha moment' filled me with sudden feeling of joy and relief. I felt light. That weight was lifted of my shoulders and weirdly enough the bank lady hadn't even told us if they could help us out or not. It had nothing to do with changing our financial situation. I was in control of my happiness. It was amazing feeling, and to top it all off, they were able to help us out.
The bank meeting, a moment that I worried about incessantly, turned out to quite situation of growth for me. I am so glad I had to go through with it.
I hope you all have a wonderful day!
Try and take a moment to realize that in the moments you may hate the most may allow for the most personal growth.
Much Love,
Jessica
I hate banks! Everything about them. I associate anxiety to banks and money. Every time we leave some sort of financial meeting there is always a feeling of 'lose of self worth' that encapsulates both of us. I hate how when we go to a bank our 'not so desirable financial situation' is rubbed in my face again. I generally despise everything about having to deal with our finances outside the safety of our office desk with just Courtney and I. I don't know where this feeling originated but in the last 3 years it has gotten worse. I do my best at avoiding 'bank meeting situations' the best that I can. But unfortunately the time has arrived where are car lease is about to expire and we needed to get a car loan to buy out our car.
I stressed and stressed about this meeting for days. It was like a weight bearing down on me as I though about the meeting.
"What if they don't give us the money?"
"What will I do?"
"We need a car!!"
"What if they judge us on our financial situation! we are doing the best we can!"
"What if them makes us feel like crap for not owing a house, having to many credit card bills or having limited savings?"
These were all questions rolling through my head. It was exhausting! The anticipation of this meeting was awful. In hindsight, it did effect my attitude a little bit as well.
So Friday rolled along, Emy came over to babysit and Court and I headed to what I thought would be a self esteem crushing hour of our lives.
We met with the lady from the bank, as we walked to her office, I was stratigizing what I was going to say to make her realize that we were not financial idiots, that we just had a tough go for the last few years. Comments and Answers (prior to even hearing questions) were running through my mind. I was melting down before our conversation with her had started. It was quite awful. I felt so much anxiety walking to the bank ladies office, but then as soon as we entered the room, something in me changed. I took the chair furthest from the computer screen (so I could not see what she was doing as she attempted to get us money. Most bank meeting I sit so I can see the screen and micro manage in my head what they are doing) I also just stopped thinking. Seriously. I stopped for that hour. I probably looked like zombie to her. If she directly asked me a question I answered. But that was all. I usually answer all questions. Even if directed a Courtney. It is like I believe my answer will save the day and get us what we need and he is incapable of doing that. I logically know that thinking like that is ridiculous, but what can I say, stressful situations make me crazy!
So I just stopped worrying. I kept looking a the pictures of her kids on her desk and though about my kids. I didn't stress. I didn't breakdown our financial situation in my head. I didn't think about the long term future, I just though in 5 minute intervals. I didn't berate my self for being a financial idiot and make myself feel like less of a person. I just sat there waiting to hear what she was going to say to us next.
That step by step method of dealing if a stressful situation worked. I didn't feel anxiety. I didn't feel bad. I realized during the time we waited for her to input things into the computer, that whatever the outcome was, I was OK with it. If she couldn't help us out, that would be OK. We tried and we would have to move to plan B (I always have a plan B. I am to organized not to.) I realized that visiting banks is not the creator of the anxiety and stress I associate with fiances, it is me. It is me that creates the atmosphere of stress. I am the one who breaks us down, makes us feel like crap when we have to deal with fiances. It is me, because I hate our financial situation, I create the worry and stress. Well no more!
I had my 'a ha' moment in that office. I fully accepted our situation and knew then that it would get better. Some day I would like where we were financially. I would like it even better because I knew how tough it was to get there.
My 'a ha moment' filled me with sudden feeling of joy and relief. I felt light. That weight was lifted of my shoulders and weirdly enough the bank lady hadn't even told us if they could help us out or not. It had nothing to do with changing our financial situation. I was in control of my happiness. It was amazing feeling, and to top it all off, they were able to help us out.
The bank meeting, a moment that I worried about incessantly, turned out to quite situation of growth for me. I am so glad I had to go through with it.
I hope you all have a wonderful day!
Try and take a moment to realize that in the moments you may hate the most may allow for the most personal growth.
Much Love,
Jessica
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Morning Dress Rehearsals
All seems to be running smooth this week with my happiness project. I was being so much nicer, my attitude was less like a angry 16 year old girl and more like a joyful and mature adult and I was noticeably happier. But along comes yesterday to mess it all up.
Inevitably I knew that it couldn't be this easy. That I couldn't just decided to be happier and nothing would come in my way of my goal. I knew that it would take work. It was wishful thinking to believe that naturally I would transition easy to a happier me. Since I can remember I have be quite a grumpy bear (just ask my parents about my 'attitude').
I know that the 'speed bumps' along the way are there to reconnect me to my project and allow me to evaluate how far I have come and the changes I still need to make, but even with all that, it is still frustrating when I 'relapse' to disconnect and anger.
Yesterday brought that relapse.
Court was off work yesterday, so I decided to sleep in with him till the girls got up at 7:00 am instead of waking up at my usual 5:00 am.
As some of you know about me already, 5:00 am is when I do some of my best work. I usually blog, send emails, do yoga, meditate, have my morning coffee or exercises at that time. I prepare my self for the rest of the day.
The morning has always been my safe haven but even more so now that it seems to be the only time when my time is all mine. This is the time of the day where no one requires anything from me. It is all about me!
At 5:00 am, there are no little girls wanting me to chase them on my hands and knees up and down the hall, no husband who need help finding his cell phone, no meals to prepare, or no house to clean. There are no requirements of me.
The whole house is silent.
Instead of the usual background noise of baby screams, battery powered toys and sports center; I only hear the hum of the computer, the ticking of the kitchen clock, the fuzzy noise of the monitor, and on some mornings the slow melodies of my favorite music from my MP3 player.
The mornings are beautiful and uplifting time of day. They are my time to reflect and center my mind and body. They get me ready for my inevitably busy day ahead.
And I traded that all in yesterday for a couple more hours of sleep. Silly me!
I woke up flustered by the rush to getting the girls ready and myself ready in less time. I felt irritated because I had to try and tackle the chaos of the morning with no coffee in me yet. Not to mention they girls were exceptionally chaotic as they knew that daddy was in the next room sleeping and they wanted to see him.(usually they don't get to see him in the morning as he is off for work by 5:30 am.) It was much more stressful. I know the girls could sense my frustration as they become much more irritable and grumpy with me. This only lead to my irritation growing and soon all three of us were in quite a state.
We usually let Court sleep in on the days he doesn't work, as he works quiet early and is definatly not a morning person. However yesterday he knew the stress was accumulating down stairs and he came down to save the day!
The presence of a 'happy' parent lead the girls to be much more enjoyable to be around. Court made a comment to us once he was downstairs. He said "seems like I am the only one who woke up on the right side of the bed, we have a got a few grumpy bears on our hands". He was right.
I did wake up on the wrong side of the bed, or to be more specific, the wrong time in the morning. That simple comment made me realize that the extra 2 hours of sleep did not trump my time that I get it the the morning. Yesterday I think I needed that time more. There was a lot more stress in my life yesterday as Court and I had a bank meeting to prepare for (I'll blog about that later, as I had another 'a ha' moment at the bank) and I was starting to feel 'stir crazy' in my house (due to the cold weather and lack of two vehicles, the girls and I have been stuck at home all week). I needed my morning much more.
Like in the theater, things go more smoothly if we have a dress rehearsal. I don't think it is any different with hapiness. I need my mornings as a dress rehearsal, a way to prepare my self for the 'big show'.
But maybe some people don't need that prep time and dress rehearsals. Some people are good at improv (like Courtney).
I am obviously not one of them, I never have been! I need to be prepared. And that is OK.
I have learned my lesson. I will not do that again! I will not give up my mornings for more sleep. I will give my morning up to the greater good of my happiness.
much love,
Jessica
Inevitably I knew that it couldn't be this easy. That I couldn't just decided to be happier and nothing would come in my way of my goal. I knew that it would take work. It was wishful thinking to believe that naturally I would transition easy to a happier me. Since I can remember I have be quite a grumpy bear (just ask my parents about my 'attitude').
I know that the 'speed bumps' along the way are there to reconnect me to my project and allow me to evaluate how far I have come and the changes I still need to make, but even with all that, it is still frustrating when I 'relapse' to disconnect and anger.
Yesterday brought that relapse.
Court was off work yesterday, so I decided to sleep in with him till the girls got up at 7:00 am instead of waking up at my usual 5:00 am.
As some of you know about me already, 5:00 am is when I do some of my best work. I usually blog, send emails, do yoga, meditate, have my morning coffee or exercises at that time. I prepare my self for the rest of the day.
The morning has always been my safe haven but even more so now that it seems to be the only time when my time is all mine. This is the time of the day where no one requires anything from me. It is all about me!
At 5:00 am, there are no little girls wanting me to chase them on my hands and knees up and down the hall, no husband who need help finding his cell phone, no meals to prepare, or no house to clean. There are no requirements of me.
The whole house is silent.
Instead of the usual background noise of baby screams, battery powered toys and sports center; I only hear the hum of the computer, the ticking of the kitchen clock, the fuzzy noise of the monitor, and on some mornings the slow melodies of my favorite music from my MP3 player.
The mornings are beautiful and uplifting time of day. They are my time to reflect and center my mind and body. They get me ready for my inevitably busy day ahead.
And I traded that all in yesterday for a couple more hours of sleep. Silly me!
I woke up flustered by the rush to getting the girls ready and myself ready in less time. I felt irritated because I had to try and tackle the chaos of the morning with no coffee in me yet. Not to mention they girls were exceptionally chaotic as they knew that daddy was in the next room sleeping and they wanted to see him.(usually they don't get to see him in the morning as he is off for work by 5:30 am.) It was much more stressful. I know the girls could sense my frustration as they become much more irritable and grumpy with me. This only lead to my irritation growing and soon all three of us were in quite a state.
We usually let Court sleep in on the days he doesn't work, as he works quiet early and is definatly not a morning person. However yesterday he knew the stress was accumulating down stairs and he came down to save the day!
The presence of a 'happy' parent lead the girls to be much more enjoyable to be around. Court made a comment to us once he was downstairs. He said "seems like I am the only one who woke up on the right side of the bed, we have a got a few grumpy bears on our hands". He was right.
I did wake up on the wrong side of the bed, or to be more specific, the wrong time in the morning. That simple comment made me realize that the extra 2 hours of sleep did not trump my time that I get it the the morning. Yesterday I think I needed that time more. There was a lot more stress in my life yesterday as Court and I had a bank meeting to prepare for (I'll blog about that later, as I had another 'a ha' moment at the bank) and I was starting to feel 'stir crazy' in my house (due to the cold weather and lack of two vehicles, the girls and I have been stuck at home all week). I needed my morning much more.
Like in the theater, things go more smoothly if we have a dress rehearsal. I don't think it is any different with hapiness. I need my mornings as a dress rehearsal, a way to prepare my self for the 'big show'.
But maybe some people don't need that prep time and dress rehearsals. Some people are good at improv (like Courtney).
I am obviously not one of them, I never have been! I need to be prepared. And that is OK.
I have learned my lesson. I will not do that again! I will not give up my mornings for more sleep. I will give my morning up to the greater good of my happiness.
much love,
Jessica
Thursday, January 20, 2011
The search is over...I have found you!
Yesterday's 'playday' turned out to be a fantastic day. I was much more interactive with the girls, I made some stew (I find cooking very fun) and still found time to read my book. I did find however that playing more makes me happier but also way more tired. I was zonked once Court came home at 4:00 pm. I guess in my happiness project, I should do something about working on my energy. I need to be able to keep up to feeling so happy :)
The obvious form of play is to take after children and simply play, with toys, book, music and games. That is easy when you have kids. Your allowed to be a goofball and play like a child,
but what if you don't have kids?
You need to find ways to play like an adult.
I am talking about hobbies.
Hobbies are very important. I know this. The make you feel happy and alive. They tap into to a passion of yours a fill your life with excitement.
I seem to have been scowling for my perfect hobby for a while. There were two categories in my head when I was in search of a hobby, Creative and Athletic.
Sports tend to be a big hobby for people but that is definitely not me. If you have ever seen me play baseball you understand why I say this. My husband however is a big sports guy. I notice that when he is actively involved in athletics he is much happier. The amount that he participates, watches, plays sports and goes to the gym seem to directly correlate to how happy he is in the rest of his life. I guess I just made it very clear that I am not allowed to berate/nag him about watching football all Sunday. It is only making him a happier therefore more involved husband and dad.
So back to my hobby, Sports was not it for me, I do have yoga as a passion of mine (shameless self promotion: check out the newest yoga studio in Almonte! you will love it!) but I also love creating things. The feeling of knowing you made it and it is beautiful.
I wanted to create 'things' as one of my hobby.
I was very conventional with my search for the perfect creative hobby. I immediately went for crafty/art projects. I realized that though I love attending craft workshops (like the ones Emily and Colleen hold at blackbird) I am not a naturally crafty person. I even got my Grandma to teach me how to knit. I loved the experience of learning a skill from my grandma. I do love it but it did not come perfectly natural to me either and since I wasn't organically drawn to wanting to knit, I was forcing it. When you force an activity you tend not to want to continue with it. I was starting to get bummed.
I wanted an hobby,why couldn't I find mine?
It wasn't until December of last year when my sister-in law gave me a beautiful journal (I did blog about this journal in earlier posts) that I remembered how much I loved to write. I was creating something. I never really indulged in my writing before because I didn't think I was good enough. But one thing I have learned, is if you keep pushing yourself down you will fall.
Since I started journalling again, I have also put alot more effort into my blog. I realized something, I love writing. It is fun and relaxing for me. I love that my mom asks me where my blog post is if I don't get time to write one, it makes me feel like even if it is just my mom (she has to love all things I do) someone likes my writing.
I have discovered in the last few months that writing is my hobby. It comes naturally to me, I want to write. I love finding topics to talk about on my blog (that's not overly hard, I am like most people and love to talking about what is going on in my life.)
I just love the feeling of seeing something that I have created. The beautiful combination of words that are mine.
I have found writing. It makes me happy. As part of my project, I am going to indulge in my writing more. I am have vowed to attend a creative writing workshop this year. I am happy I have found my creative hobby!
I hope everyone has a wonderful day, maybe even make sometime for your hobby!
(feel free to comment about what your hobby is, I love seeing other people interests!)
Much Love,
Jessica
The obvious form of play is to take after children and simply play, with toys, book, music and games. That is easy when you have kids. Your allowed to be a goofball and play like a child,
but what if you don't have kids?
You need to find ways to play like an adult.
I am talking about hobbies.
Hobbies are very important. I know this. The make you feel happy and alive. They tap into to a passion of yours a fill your life with excitement.
I seem to have been scowling for my perfect hobby for a while. There were two categories in my head when I was in search of a hobby, Creative and Athletic.
Sports tend to be a big hobby for people but that is definitely not me. If you have ever seen me play baseball you understand why I say this. My husband however is a big sports guy. I notice that when he is actively involved in athletics he is much happier. The amount that he participates, watches, plays sports and goes to the gym seem to directly correlate to how happy he is in the rest of his life. I guess I just made it very clear that I am not allowed to berate/nag him about watching football all Sunday. It is only making him a happier therefore more involved husband and dad.
So back to my hobby, Sports was not it for me, I do have yoga as a passion of mine (shameless self promotion: check out the newest yoga studio in Almonte! you will love it!) but I also love creating things. The feeling of knowing you made it and it is beautiful.
I wanted to create 'things' as one of my hobby.
I was very conventional with my search for the perfect creative hobby. I immediately went for crafty/art projects. I realized that though I love attending craft workshops (like the ones Emily and Colleen hold at blackbird) I am not a naturally crafty person. I even got my Grandma to teach me how to knit. I loved the experience of learning a skill from my grandma. I do love it but it did not come perfectly natural to me either and since I wasn't organically drawn to wanting to knit, I was forcing it. When you force an activity you tend not to want to continue with it. I was starting to get bummed.
I wanted an hobby,why couldn't I find mine?
It wasn't until December of last year when my sister-in law gave me a beautiful journal (I did blog about this journal in earlier posts) that I remembered how much I loved to write. I was creating something. I never really indulged in my writing before because I didn't think I was good enough. But one thing I have learned, is if you keep pushing yourself down you will fall.
Since I started journalling again, I have also put alot more effort into my blog. I realized something, I love writing. It is fun and relaxing for me. I love that my mom asks me where my blog post is if I don't get time to write one, it makes me feel like even if it is just my mom (she has to love all things I do) someone likes my writing.
I have discovered in the last few months that writing is my hobby. It comes naturally to me, I want to write. I love finding topics to talk about on my blog (that's not overly hard, I am like most people and love to talking about what is going on in my life.)
I just love the feeling of seeing something that I have created. The beautiful combination of words that are mine.
I have found writing. It makes me happy. As part of my project, I am going to indulge in my writing more. I am have vowed to attend a creative writing workshop this year. I am happy I have found my creative hobby!
I hope everyone has a wonderful day, maybe even make sometime for your hobby!
(feel free to comment about what your hobby is, I love seeing other people interests!)
Much Love,
Jessica
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Let's play!
"Its a happy talent to know how to play."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Do I know how to play?
I know I am smiling more since I have vowed to be nicer. Smiling usually entices more play. When we are smiling we feel much more comfortable, carefree and relaxed. When we are carefree we tend to do 'fun' things more comfortably like belting out a song, baking a batch of cookies, scrap booking, colouring or dancing around our living room like maniac. These all sound like play activities to me. Everyone has there own idea of 'play'. But looking at my daily activities, do I play enough?
I don't think I do. I get my self caught up in tasks. "oh, the dishes need to be washed" " The stairs need to be vacuumed" "I need to put away the laundry". When we worry to much about tasks we lose sight in the moment, the special impromptu moments that elicit play. I realize that as adults we can't run around 'playing' all the time. We need to be conscious of our responsibilities, but I know that myself especially, I get way to caught up in what needs to be done and my to-do list that I lose sight of the happy moments that may just disappear.
Like the first time Charlotte climbed the stairs with me and she needed my help for the last time. I helped her up the first step and she did the rest on her own. She smiled at me like she was say "I did it" and she laughed and laughed! That precise moment will never happen again. Now she does not want my help up the stairs as she can do it alone. That was a moment of wondrous fun. It allowed for smiles and giggles and play!
Unfortunately moments like those sometimes only come around ever so often, and we are all guilty of letting them slip by with out any recognition, becasue we were just to damn busy to notice.
I vow today to make this day full of more play. I am going to slow down. I am going to take advantage of every opportunity to have fun. I am going to worry about my to do list less, and realize that in my memories I will never remember if the bed was made today, but I will remember how happy I felt.
I am going to smile more, sing more, dance more and play more.
Today will be a good day.
I hope you have a playful day!
much love,
Jessica
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Do I know how to play?
I know I am smiling more since I have vowed to be nicer. Smiling usually entices more play. When we are smiling we feel much more comfortable, carefree and relaxed. When we are carefree we tend to do 'fun' things more comfortably like belting out a song, baking a batch of cookies, scrap booking, colouring or dancing around our living room like maniac. These all sound like play activities to me. Everyone has there own idea of 'play'. But looking at my daily activities, do I play enough?
I don't think I do. I get my self caught up in tasks. "oh, the dishes need to be washed" " The stairs need to be vacuumed" "I need to put away the laundry". When we worry to much about tasks we lose sight in the moment, the special impromptu moments that elicit play. I realize that as adults we can't run around 'playing' all the time. We need to be conscious of our responsibilities, but I know that myself especially, I get way to caught up in what needs to be done and my to-do list that I lose sight of the happy moments that may just disappear.
Like the first time Charlotte climbed the stairs with me and she needed my help for the last time. I helped her up the first step and she did the rest on her own. She smiled at me like she was say "I did it" and she laughed and laughed! That precise moment will never happen again. Now she does not want my help up the stairs as she can do it alone. That was a moment of wondrous fun. It allowed for smiles and giggles and play!
Unfortunately moments like those sometimes only come around ever so often, and we are all guilty of letting them slip by with out any recognition, becasue we were just to damn busy to notice.
I vow today to make this day full of more play. I am going to slow down. I am going to take advantage of every opportunity to have fun. I am going to worry about my to do list less, and realize that in my memories I will never remember if the bed was made today, but I will remember how happy I felt.
I am going to smile more, sing more, dance more and play more.
Today will be a good day.
I hope you have a playful day!
much love,
Jessica
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
There is no place like home
I am really loving how actively being a nicer person is making me feel. How come I didn't do this years ago? With each day the act of smiling when I feel like screaming, seems to be getting easier. It is making me incredibly happy to see the change in relationship dynamics when I go in smiling and singing. It truly is a product of 'you cannot change others you can only change you'. I am really starting to believe that I cannot change others in the relationships I cultivate, I can only change how I perceive and act.
Since the 'be nice' resolution (aka: stop nagging and losing my temper) is going a little smoother then I assumed (though don't get me wrong there are still pot hole along the way :) I am going to blog about something that struck me this morning as I was having my morning coffee with Courtney.
I love my home.
My home makes me happy.
In my own personal happiness project, this is one thing I do not have to change or modify. My home is the one part of my life that I have always been true to. I have always kept it my (or now our) home, not pretended it or I was something else in it.
I am slightly jealous of homes that look so well put together (mine is not one of them). I have 3 amazing sister in law who all seem to have an art of creating beauty in a home. Each with their own style and flair, create these homes and rooms that have such flow to them. I will admit, I am a small bit jealous when we visit their homes. They are just so well put together. But it works for them. Each of the homes speaks to their style and outlook on life. Their homes are perfect for the families they are building within those walls.
My own sisters have skills at creating wonderful rooms and homes. Meaghan is fantastic at decorating, especially seasonal decorating. She creates a space that is inviting and fun. I love that about Megs house. Amber creates simple, elegant beauty in her rooms, and Emily has a room that seem to be jammed pack full of memories and fun.
Each of these women knows how to be embrace there home (if it be a large house, a condo down town or a bedroom in their parents house) as a part of them and I hugely respect that about them.
I however, love my home but have no skills at decorating.
My home is a mish-mash of all things. New and Old, Vintage and Modern, Adult and Child. I love that about
my space. It is filled is with pictures of my kids and my family. Vintage poster prints from consignment stores. Old couches that have seen better days. Random hockey memorabilia. Hand-me down linens and homemade quilts. Nothing matches and I use alot bright of colours (I love yellow right now :),
but my home is me, it is my Family, it is us.
A mish-mash of feelings, people and ideas. I really do love how sitting on my big red futon and drinking coffee and reading a book makes me feel. I love how lying on the floor and watching the girls crawl from room to room fills my soul with light. I love how the floors are crooked and the upstairs remind me of an old farm house. I love that the walls have fake wood tile and reminds me of the house I grew up in. I love that even though we have only been here for less then a year this home has helped us make unforgettable memories. Nothing will match the feeling that in 50 years when we talk about our first home together as a family, this will be the home.
That being said, I love this home but on occasion miss my previous homes for all the feeling they created in me.
Like living in my mom and step dads home. I miss that alot. but who doesn't miss the feeling of their parents home. I still have not found a place that relaxes me a much as the couch in my parents living room. I love how my moms house is full of 'chitchy' things that make it what it is, like the insane amount of Anne Geddes pictures or the egg cups. I love the inviting feeling yiou get when you walk int he door. I love that my step dad has found a new love for finding beautiful prints and furniture for their new room. I love the beauty of their backyard.
I love my parents home. It makes me feel happy, but thankfully it is still apart of my life. I just don't live there (though sometimes it feels I am there enough to live there)
Or like the first apartment with Courtney and I got together. How small it was, but I loved the feeling of my own space. My first 'grown up' place. it was cute and simple, but it was ours. We only lived there for 2 years and moved to a bigger apartment, which in is own extent I miss as well.
That seond apartment resignates feelings of a certain point in my life. I sometimes miss that part of my life, and the apartment reminds me of that. That apartment looked out to a wonderful bike path and had nature all around. We were up in trees and as each season changed the feeling in the apartment changed too. The balcony had this peaceful and zen feeling to it. I miss that place and the feelings it gave me.
This week I visited a great friend of mine, Lindsay, in her new apartment. Her excitement for this place was palpable. She had moved in some of her stuff that weekend and was starting to see her little space become hers. It is an amazing little space and as soon as you walk in you know it is hers. The feelings I felt vicariously through her transported me back to that feeling of excitement and pure pleasure of your first real place on your own. It is so fun to be able to create a space to become your home. The act of watching someone realize how happy their home makes them, is truly magical.
Finding your home and being true to yourself to create a space the cultivates your soul is an amazing thing. Whatever your thing is (vintage fabrics, modern designs, simple furniture) fill your space with it. That feeling of walking into your home with peace and love is irreplaceable.
Your home can bring you so much happiness!
"A house is made with walls and beams; a home is made with love and dreams."
I hope you all have wonderful day!
much love,
Jessica
Since the 'be nice' resolution (aka: stop nagging and losing my temper) is going a little smoother then I assumed (though don't get me wrong there are still pot hole along the way :) I am going to blog about something that struck me this morning as I was having my morning coffee with Courtney.
I love my home.
My home makes me happy.
In my own personal happiness project, this is one thing I do not have to change or modify. My home is the one part of my life that I have always been true to. I have always kept it my (or now our) home, not pretended it or I was something else in it.
I am slightly jealous of homes that look so well put together (mine is not one of them). I have 3 amazing sister in law who all seem to have an art of creating beauty in a home. Each with their own style and flair, create these homes and rooms that have such flow to them. I will admit, I am a small bit jealous when we visit their homes. They are just so well put together. But it works for them. Each of the homes speaks to their style and outlook on life. Their homes are perfect for the families they are building within those walls.
My own sisters have skills at creating wonderful rooms and homes. Meaghan is fantastic at decorating, especially seasonal decorating. She creates a space that is inviting and fun. I love that about Megs house. Amber creates simple, elegant beauty in her rooms, and Emily has a room that seem to be jammed pack full of memories and fun.
Each of these women knows how to be embrace there home (if it be a large house, a condo down town or a bedroom in their parents house) as a part of them and I hugely respect that about them.
I however, love my home but have no skills at decorating.
My home is a mish-mash of all things. New and Old, Vintage and Modern, Adult and Child. I love that about
my space. It is filled is with pictures of my kids and my family. Vintage poster prints from consignment stores. Old couches that have seen better days. Random hockey memorabilia. Hand-me down linens and homemade quilts. Nothing matches and I use alot bright of colours (I love yellow right now :),
but my home is me, it is my Family, it is us.
A mish-mash of feelings, people and ideas. I really do love how sitting on my big red futon and drinking coffee and reading a book makes me feel. I love how lying on the floor and watching the girls crawl from room to room fills my soul with light. I love how the floors are crooked and the upstairs remind me of an old farm house. I love that the walls have fake wood tile and reminds me of the house I grew up in. I love that even though we have only been here for less then a year this home has helped us make unforgettable memories. Nothing will match the feeling that in 50 years when we talk about our first home together as a family, this will be the home.
That being said, I love this home but on occasion miss my previous homes for all the feeling they created in me.
Like living in my mom and step dads home. I miss that alot. but who doesn't miss the feeling of their parents home. I still have not found a place that relaxes me a much as the couch in my parents living room. I love how my moms house is full of 'chitchy' things that make it what it is, like the insane amount of Anne Geddes pictures or the egg cups. I love the inviting feeling yiou get when you walk int he door. I love that my step dad has found a new love for finding beautiful prints and furniture for their new room. I love the beauty of their backyard.
I love my parents home. It makes me feel happy, but thankfully it is still apart of my life. I just don't live there (though sometimes it feels I am there enough to live there)
Or like the first apartment with Courtney and I got together. How small it was, but I loved the feeling of my own space. My first 'grown up' place. it was cute and simple, but it was ours. We only lived there for 2 years and moved to a bigger apartment, which in is own extent I miss as well.
That seond apartment resignates feelings of a certain point in my life. I sometimes miss that part of my life, and the apartment reminds me of that. That apartment looked out to a wonderful bike path and had nature all around. We were up in trees and as each season changed the feeling in the apartment changed too. The balcony had this peaceful and zen feeling to it. I miss that place and the feelings it gave me.
This week I visited a great friend of mine, Lindsay, in her new apartment. Her excitement for this place was palpable. She had moved in some of her stuff that weekend and was starting to see her little space become hers. It is an amazing little space and as soon as you walk in you know it is hers. The feelings I felt vicariously through her transported me back to that feeling of excitement and pure pleasure of your first real place on your own. It is so fun to be able to create a space to become your home. The act of watching someone realize how happy their home makes them, is truly magical.
Finding your home and being true to yourself to create a space the cultivates your soul is an amazing thing. Whatever your thing is (vintage fabrics, modern designs, simple furniture) fill your space with it. That feeling of walking into your home with peace and love is irreplaceable.
Your home can bring you so much happiness!
"A house is made with walls and beams; a home is made with love and dreams."
I hope you all have wonderful day!
much love,
Jessica
Monday, January 17, 2011
Act the way you want to feel
This weekend I went full force on becoming a happier me. I decided to putting most of my energy towards being nicer. Simply that, being a nicer person. That includes nagging less and not losing my cool. This had a major effect on Courtney and the babies. Since they are the people that interact with me the most.
I am a terrible nag to Courtney. I can be quite mean to him. I love him dearly so why do I feel that I am allowed to take all the frustrations of my life out on him? I guess I have just been programmed to think that is the job of a husband, to become an emotional punching bag for his wife. Well upon further breakdown, I realized that this behaviour is awful. Courtney and all husband for that matter want the same thing, to be treated as they treat others, and Court treats me (as well as the ones he cares about) with respect, love and with alot of humour.
I am talking alot about Court, and this change wasn't just for him and the relationship we have together. It is was for all the relationships I am cultivating in my life. It just so happens "The Courtney and Jessica Show" is the main dynamic of my life right now, so it is easiest to analysis that relationship for this exercises of being a nicer person.
So I started yesterday, consciously being nicer, and I was surprised at how hard that can be. I had to bite my tongue a few times during the day not to nag at shovelling the driveway or whatever other task needed to get done. I was extra calm and if I felt that I was about to lose it I was took a deep breath and count to 10 (thanks mom for the tip:) and that seemed to help. I found that near the end of the day when I was getting exhausted, it took much more effort to be overly nice. I kept trying to think of this one line that Gretchen uses in her book,
'act the way you want to feel'.
So when I felt like screaming at Courtney to keep the babies amused while I made dinner, I just acted like I was have a super duper fun time with the babies in kitchen grabbing at my leg while I made dinner. I sang and danced and let them cook with me. And you know what, I started to truly have a good time with them 'bugging' me while I tried to get the task done. I noticed how all they really wanted was a few minutes of my undivided attention, then they were all right to play on he floor beside me. The girls were happy, I was happy, Court was happy and dinner got made. What else did I need?
I do feel like I pulled it off being a very pleasant person with only a few potholes along the way. But I think that over time, this whole nice thing will become alot more natural and less of a 'task'.
I noticed that as I acted more involved and actively listened to Courtney and my children and not just nod and try and do another task at the same time, they returned the favour. Especially Courtney. If I took the time to listen to him talk about his football game, or his videogamesthen he took the time to ask me about my yoga class. The effect of 'treat other how to want to be treated' was very obvious to me last night. And having some undivided attention from him made me happy and it made me even happier to see how good he felt with some undivided attention from me.
Being nice made me happy!
My conclusion of yesterday's start to this project is, being nice can be hard but it is worth it.
I am going to focus on keeping it up today, maybe even add in some more time to sing! Alot of singing yesterday made me feel happy too.
Much love,
Jessica
I am a terrible nag to Courtney. I can be quite mean to him. I love him dearly so why do I feel that I am allowed to take all the frustrations of my life out on him? I guess I have just been programmed to think that is the job of a husband, to become an emotional punching bag for his wife. Well upon further breakdown, I realized that this behaviour is awful. Courtney and all husband for that matter want the same thing, to be treated as they treat others, and Court treats me (as well as the ones he cares about) with respect, love and with alot of humour.
I am talking alot about Court, and this change wasn't just for him and the relationship we have together. It is was for all the relationships I am cultivating in my life. It just so happens "The Courtney and Jessica Show" is the main dynamic of my life right now, so it is easiest to analysis that relationship for this exercises of being a nicer person.
So I started yesterday, consciously being nicer, and I was surprised at how hard that can be. I had to bite my tongue a few times during the day not to nag at shovelling the driveway or whatever other task needed to get done. I was extra calm and if I felt that I was about to lose it I was took a deep breath and count to 10 (thanks mom for the tip:) and that seemed to help. I found that near the end of the day when I was getting exhausted, it took much more effort to be overly nice. I kept trying to think of this one line that Gretchen uses in her book,
'act the way you want to feel'.
So when I felt like screaming at Courtney to keep the babies amused while I made dinner, I just acted like I was have a super duper fun time with the babies in kitchen grabbing at my leg while I made dinner. I sang and danced and let them cook with me. And you know what, I started to truly have a good time with them 'bugging' me while I tried to get the task done. I noticed how all they really wanted was a few minutes of my undivided attention, then they were all right to play on he floor beside me. The girls were happy, I was happy, Court was happy and dinner got made. What else did I need?
I do feel like I pulled it off being a very pleasant person with only a few potholes along the way. But I think that over time, this whole nice thing will become alot more natural and less of a 'task'.
I noticed that as I acted more involved and actively listened to Courtney and my children and not just nod and try and do another task at the same time, they returned the favour. Especially Courtney. If I took the time to listen to him talk about his football game, or his videogamesthen he took the time to ask me about my yoga class. The effect of 'treat other how to want to be treated' was very obvious to me last night. And having some undivided attention from him made me happy and it made me even happier to see how good he felt with some undivided attention from me.
Being nice made me happy!
My conclusion of yesterday's start to this project is, being nice can be hard but it is worth it.
I am going to focus on keeping it up today, maybe even add in some more time to sing! Alot of singing yesterday made me feel happy too.
Much love,
Jessica
Saturday, January 15, 2011
My own happiness project
I am reading this great book called "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. Today was a slow day at work so I was able to get a couple hours of reading in, I am feeling very inspired right now!
In her book, Gretchen Rubin is chronicling her own happiness project. She decides that over a year she is going to "reconnect" to the things that can make her happy in her life. I am only about half way done the book but I am loving her book. Her style of writing makes me feel like I am reading about a good friend. She is funny and insightful. I highly recommend it!
It has inspired me to reevaluate my life. Her book speaks to me. She says in the first part of the book how she isn't depressed, she has a great life. She has two wondeful daugthers, a husband who loves her, she lives in her favorite city (New York), and she has a good job, but she still feel like soemthing in missing. She says that she has more anger then she would like, she loses her temper to easily and nags to much. she feel like she is missing out on life and it is passing her by.
I tend to feel very similar to that.
I have a great life. I have wonderful children, a great husband, fanatastic friends and family and a job that I enjoy, so why do I sometimes feel like something is missing?
I nag way to much, I am quick to judge, I lose my temper and in all that I miss precious moments of life. I want that to change.
I am going to create a plan to have a more fulfilling, happy life. A life in which I cherish the precious moments I have been given. I am blessed to be in such a wonderful life. I am healthy and have many people around me who love me, I am going to treasure that more and stop taking advantage of it.
We get back what we put out in to this world, and reading Gretchen Rubin's book has made me realize that I do not always like what I put out into the world.
I am going to focus on changing a few of my "bad" habits that are hindering the happiness that I can put out into the world.
Here is a list of what I feel is important for me to change:
I want to change my outlook on life. I want to give the world what I want in return. I want to treat people as I would like to be treated. I want to enjoy all the moments of my life with no restriction. I want to live in the moment. I want to live with a full feeling of happiness and I know I can do that.
I am going to use my blog as a way to document how I am doing with this. I feel like that will be very helpful for me on this journey. I do not want to change myself as a person, I like me, I just want to have a healthier outlook. This kind of goes hand and hand with my new year resolution to be healthier. Not only am I becoming a healthier body but I am creating a healthier attitude.
The inner dialogue in me is saying that is kinda self righteous of me to think people actually care about my journey. It is hard to tell it to "Shut up" but i figure if you get bored of listening about my stories and journey toward becoming a better me, then you will just stop reading. But I do hope you join me, maybe there is a few things you want to do better as well. we can do it together!
Research says that we are much happier when we have someone to keep us company in our task, and this is no different.
Well here goes. My first day of being a happier me.
Wish me luck!
I will keep you posted!
Much love,
Jessica
In her book, Gretchen Rubin is chronicling her own happiness project. She decides that over a year she is going to "reconnect" to the things that can make her happy in her life. I am only about half way done the book but I am loving her book. Her style of writing makes me feel like I am reading about a good friend. She is funny and insightful. I highly recommend it!
It has inspired me to reevaluate my life. Her book speaks to me. She says in the first part of the book how she isn't depressed, she has a great life. She has two wondeful daugthers, a husband who loves her, she lives in her favorite city (New York), and she has a good job, but she still feel like soemthing in missing. She says that she has more anger then she would like, she loses her temper to easily and nags to much. she feel like she is missing out on life and it is passing her by.
I tend to feel very similar to that.
I have a great life. I have wonderful children, a great husband, fanatastic friends and family and a job that I enjoy, so why do I sometimes feel like something is missing?
I nag way to much, I am quick to judge, I lose my temper and in all that I miss precious moments of life. I want that to change.
I am going to create a plan to have a more fulfilling, happy life. A life in which I cherish the precious moments I have been given. I am blessed to be in such a wonderful life. I am healthy and have many people around me who love me, I am going to treasure that more and stop taking advantage of it.
We get back what we put out in to this world, and reading Gretchen Rubin's book has made me realize that I do not always like what I put out into the world.
I am going to focus on changing a few of my "bad" habits that are hindering the happiness that I can put out into the world.
Here is a list of what I feel is important for me to change:
- I want to stop nagging so much, especially with my husband. Adults (or children for that matter) do not need to be nagged at.
- I want to stop losing my temper to much.
- I want to stop gossipping to much. I judge to quickly.
- I want to stop worrying about insignificant things. It devours my energy and makes me exhausted, and when I am tired I am much more grumpy.
- I want to stop swearing. I do not like that use curse words so often.
- I'd like to deepen my spirituality
- I'd like to further my professional portfolio (more courses, more focus, etc.)
- I want to be a friend to my friends that I would love to have
- I want to be a better daughter, wife, sister, mother and pet owner.
- I want to appreciate my daughters innocence more.
- I want to harbour my creativity more through writing
- I want to have more fun
- I want to let go of my insecurities
- I want to do something that scares me
- I want to learn who 'Jessica' is and what she wants out of life
I want to change my outlook on life. I want to give the world what I want in return. I want to treat people as I would like to be treated. I want to enjoy all the moments of my life with no restriction. I want to live in the moment. I want to live with a full feeling of happiness and I know I can do that.
I am going to use my blog as a way to document how I am doing with this. I feel like that will be very helpful for me on this journey. I do not want to change myself as a person, I like me, I just want to have a healthier outlook. This kind of goes hand and hand with my new year resolution to be healthier. Not only am I becoming a healthier body but I am creating a healthier attitude.
The inner dialogue in me is saying that is kinda self righteous of me to think people actually care about my journey. It is hard to tell it to "Shut up" but i figure if you get bored of listening about my stories and journey toward becoming a better me, then you will just stop reading. But I do hope you join me, maybe there is a few things you want to do better as well. we can do it together!
Research says that we are much happier when we have someone to keep us company in our task, and this is no different.
Well here goes. My first day of being a happier me.
Wish me luck!
I will keep you posted!
Much love,
Jessica
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
what is my self-worth?
I have debt...shhh!
Don't tell anyone ok? Because I know your not suppose to talk about money, it is a "faux pas" right?
well screw that...I am going to talk about it!
I have just finished my online banking this morning, and there is nothing like your debt to make you feel like your self worth is about as low as it could possibly go. I absolutely hate debt! But really who do I know that likes it?
In most cases, Debt is the reason you have all the "stuff" that you want, and will pay for later. I know that is the case with my husband and I (plus school and life getting in the way of our financial master plan). I can tell you one thing, it has gotten a lot better since we have had the twins. My husband and I have debt but we are not allowing it to grow anymore. We are taking the long road of letting it shrink and making it smaller. There is nothing like two little lives depending on you to snap you into reality and to make your situation better for them.
Of course, some of our debt (like many others) is just bad luck, like you need to get your car fixed and have no money, you lose your job (or it a slow month) and need to use credit to pay the bills. That is the purpose of credit. To use for emergency situations. But society has definitely changed that. Especially for my generation.
Everywhere you go it seems to be pushing "buy now, pay later". Our generation is bombarded with images of all the stuff we want and well aren't we lucky, we can have it now and worry about paying it later!
So can you blame us for having debt?
Media shows us images of all this super cool stuff, with ad campaigns to make us feel like our self worth is dependent on the stuff we have. Mix that concept with lack of patiences and you have created a generation of debt making machines.
I know I am generalizing and not all people are in debt or follow the trend of "buy now, pay later" but there is no doubt that that occurrences of this is much higher.
With all of this debt in the world, and in our own lives, how do we not let it get to us?
Well to start, do not let debt dictate your own self worth.
So maybe you have debt, maybe you have made a few mistakes in your choices but there is always a way to fix it. Always.
Remember that we do live in a time were there is a lot of cool things out there, but the concept of saving up till you can a afford it still works (I am really trying to implement this on in my life :)
But the main one being, you are a wonderful person with a full life and your debt does not define you. Do not let your online banking make you feel bad! You will someday be able to look at your bank account and feel happy to say you have no debt :)
(* that last part was obviously directed towards me, but if you are in the same situation as me, it is directed to you too!)
Have a great day!
Much love,
Jessica
Don't tell anyone ok? Because I know your not suppose to talk about money, it is a "faux pas" right?
well screw that...I am going to talk about it!
I have just finished my online banking this morning, and there is nothing like your debt to make you feel like your self worth is about as low as it could possibly go. I absolutely hate debt! But really who do I know that likes it?
In most cases, Debt is the reason you have all the "stuff" that you want, and will pay for later. I know that is the case with my husband and I (plus school and life getting in the way of our financial master plan). I can tell you one thing, it has gotten a lot better since we have had the twins. My husband and I have debt but we are not allowing it to grow anymore. We are taking the long road of letting it shrink and making it smaller. There is nothing like two little lives depending on you to snap you into reality and to make your situation better for them.
Of course, some of our debt (like many others) is just bad luck, like you need to get your car fixed and have no money, you lose your job (or it a slow month) and need to use credit to pay the bills. That is the purpose of credit. To use for emergency situations. But society has definitely changed that. Especially for my generation.
Everywhere you go it seems to be pushing "buy now, pay later". Our generation is bombarded with images of all the stuff we want and well aren't we lucky, we can have it now and worry about paying it later!
So can you blame us for having debt?
Media shows us images of all this super cool stuff, with ad campaigns to make us feel like our self worth is dependent on the stuff we have. Mix that concept with lack of patiences and you have created a generation of debt making machines.
I know I am generalizing and not all people are in debt or follow the trend of "buy now, pay later" but there is no doubt that that occurrences of this is much higher.
With all of this debt in the world, and in our own lives, how do we not let it get to us?
Well to start, do not let debt dictate your own self worth.
So maybe you have debt, maybe you have made a few mistakes in your choices but there is always a way to fix it. Always.
Remember that we do live in a time were there is a lot of cool things out there, but the concept of saving up till you can a afford it still works (I am really trying to implement this on in my life :)
But the main one being, you are a wonderful person with a full life and your debt does not define you. Do not let your online banking make you feel bad! You will someday be able to look at your bank account and feel happy to say you have no debt :)
(* that last part was obviously directed towards me, but if you are in the same situation as me, it is directed to you too!)
Have a great day!
Much love,
Jessica
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Happiness...in a time of whining.
I am sick again. Bah! This time with a cold and sinus congestion, which inevitably I have passed to my babies as well.
My mind is fuzzy and my body aches, and all I want to do it lie on the couch and watch bad TV but I have a "hankering" to blog today.
My mind is to fuzzy to think of in depth things to talk about. I do however think I need reminding what makes me happy as I whine and mope around about being sick again with two sick babies and husband with the flu.
So here goes...
My Happiness list: (what makes me happy)
It really turned out to be a random list, all the thoughts are all over the place...but I think That is how I am feeling today. Just scattered!
wish you lots of happiness!
much love,
Jessica
My mind is fuzzy and my body aches, and all I want to do it lie on the couch and watch bad TV but I have a "hankering" to blog today.
My mind is to fuzzy to think of in depth things to talk about. I do however think I need reminding what makes me happy as I whine and mope around about being sick again with two sick babies and husband with the flu.
So here goes...
My Happiness list: (what makes me happy)
- baby smiles in the morning
- Chloe and Charlotte, all the time :)
- Courtney's smile, and ridiculous humour
- pyjama days
- breakfast at my mom and ricks
- Game nights with my family
- The Doucet's dining room table with yummy food and good girlfriends
- my kobo
- My best girl friends
- Going shopping with Emily, Meg and Amber..but maybe not all together.
- Watching my family with my babies and all the love they have for them.
- the dishes being done when I get home from work :)
- Yoga with Lindsay
- Book club and Wine (especially at Alex's house :)
- Craft workshops with Ashley (been a while since I did that one...got to plan one soon :)
- my job...most days :)
- driving to work with meg. We always seem to be able to catch up then :)
- big huge holiday dinners
- my nieces and nephews (and I have a new little niece! welcome to the Kennedy family little Molly :)
- quiet time
- going to the movies
- Blogging :)
- Peppermint tea
- Music that perfectly fits the mood
- My grandparents
- My two cats purrs and cuddles
It really turned out to be a random list, all the thoughts are all over the place...but I think That is how I am feeling today. Just scattered!
wish you lots of happiness!
much love,
Jessica
Friday, January 7, 2011
I am woman, Hear me roar! (For the women)
Yesterday I had a great conversation with a client. I am very lucky, I attract some very wonderful people as clients. Some of the best conversations in my life have been with people I only met for the first time a few minutes prior.
Yesterdays conversation was about woman and our relationships with each other. I made me realize that female/female relationships have complex dynamics.
Our conversation was mostly based on the negative dynamics of female relationships. Without trying to sound too sexist towards my own sex, we can be quite difficult towards each other. Our competitiveness and judgements towards each other can be hurtful and hard to deal with. We tend to be much more judgemental of each others weaknesses and strengths then we are towards men. We tear each other down at times and can utilise vindictive behaviours in a very subconscious way. We do this in many aspects of our lives as woman, in the workplace, as mothers, as partners, as friends. We have all done this, judged another woman freely. It can be about anything, her clothes, her weigh, her job, her parenting style, ETC. We have all at one time in our lives been openly gossipy about another women to feel better about ourselves. So I ask the question, Why is that? Why as a society have me made it OK to do this to each other and why is it different for men?
Is is because as a sex we have more jealous qualities then men? or do we just have a subconscious need to feel more power or superiority then others?
I don't think I have an answer. But I have a solution...
STOP!
I am going to, why don't you try as well?
Next time you feel the need to bring another woman down because you feel like your in an awful place and need some company, just don't do it. Or the next time you are about to judge someone on their clothes or weigh or whatever else, just don't do it. Remember that we all have our reasons for our decisions and you can never understand someone else's reasoning with out living in their shoes for a while.
We could be much stronger as women if we only stuck together and had each others back more often. The relationship between women is so special as it is, why don't we throw away the negativity and only keep what is so awesome about girlfriends. We can connect to each other in a way that no man can connect to us as women. We understand each other and have the same feelings and thoughts, so lets stop using the understanding to tear each other down and just work at helping each other succeed.
I wish all of you a judge free, happy day!
Much love,
Jessica
Yesterdays conversation was about woman and our relationships with each other. I made me realize that female/female relationships have complex dynamics.
Our conversation was mostly based on the negative dynamics of female relationships. Without trying to sound too sexist towards my own sex, we can be quite difficult towards each other. Our competitiveness and judgements towards each other can be hurtful and hard to deal with. We tend to be much more judgemental of each others weaknesses and strengths then we are towards men. We tear each other down at times and can utilise vindictive behaviours in a very subconscious way. We do this in many aspects of our lives as woman, in the workplace, as mothers, as partners, as friends. We have all done this, judged another woman freely. It can be about anything, her clothes, her weigh, her job, her parenting style, ETC. We have all at one time in our lives been openly gossipy about another women to feel better about ourselves. So I ask the question, Why is that? Why as a society have me made it OK to do this to each other and why is it different for men?
Is is because as a sex we have more jealous qualities then men? or do we just have a subconscious need to feel more power or superiority then others?
I don't think I have an answer. But I have a solution...
STOP!
I am going to, why don't you try as well?
Next time you feel the need to bring another woman down because you feel like your in an awful place and need some company, just don't do it. Or the next time you are about to judge someone on their clothes or weigh or whatever else, just don't do it. Remember that we all have our reasons for our decisions and you can never understand someone else's reasoning with out living in their shoes for a while.
We could be much stronger as women if we only stuck together and had each others back more often. The relationship between women is so special as it is, why don't we throw away the negativity and only keep what is so awesome about girlfriends. We can connect to each other in a way that no man can connect to us as women. We understand each other and have the same feelings and thoughts, so lets stop using the understanding to tear each other down and just work at helping each other succeed.
I wish all of you a judge free, happy day!
Much love,
Jessica
Thursday, January 6, 2011
The babies got sick :(
As I posted earlier, I had the flu at the start of the week. The babies and Court seemed fine, so I though we were in the clear...but low and behold, I was wrong.
The babies threw up last night, both of them! I have never had do deal with baby throw up. I mean of course I have dealt with spit up but not throw up. It broke my heart to see them so sick. They were all glassy eyed and sad looking. It took the strength of me not to cry when I looked at them. Poor wee things!
But they are doing much better today, they have no fever and seem happy enough, just a little extra sleepy. We are keeping an extra watch on them, and they are getting extra, extra cuddles form mommy :)
Much love,
Jessica
The babies threw up last night, both of them! I have never had do deal with baby throw up. I mean of course I have dealt with spit up but not throw up. It broke my heart to see them so sick. They were all glassy eyed and sad looking. It took the strength of me not to cry when I looked at them. Poor wee things!
But they are doing much better today, they have no fever and seem happy enough, just a little extra sleepy. We are keeping an extra watch on them, and they are getting extra, extra cuddles form mommy :)
Much love,
Jessica
Monday, January 3, 2011
Why do moms gets sick?
I don't think it should be allowed, as a mom we should instantly become immune to all sickness.
I had the flu last night and all day today. I am slowly feeling better, low energy still but no more throwing up (thank god). I am very lucky because I have a mom who is always there for me and took the babies (who had a terrible sleep last night and are really teething and not handling it well). I would not have been able to handle them by myself today, and it was Courts first day back to work. bah!
So the babies went to my moms and I layed on the couch watching a movie and napping, till court got home and we were able to get the girls from grandma and grandpa's house. It was awful. I could barley hold my wee ones, as my hold body ached.
I say it again. Moms should not be allowed to get sick. Someone should change this, so we do not get sick because not every mom is as lucky as me to get a "day off" when they are sick.
much love,
Jessica
I had the flu last night and all day today. I am slowly feeling better, low energy still but no more throwing up (thank god). I am very lucky because I have a mom who is always there for me and took the babies (who had a terrible sleep last night and are really teething and not handling it well). I would not have been able to handle them by myself today, and it was Courts first day back to work. bah!
So the babies went to my moms and I layed on the couch watching a movie and napping, till court got home and we were able to get the girls from grandma and grandpa's house. It was awful. I could barley hold my wee ones, as my hold body ached.
I say it again. Moms should not be allowed to get sick. Someone should change this, so we do not get sick because not every mom is as lucky as me to get a "day off" when they are sick.
much love,
Jessica
Week 2- only doing by weeks now, as I was getting confused :)
day 1: All I have to say is I had the flu :(
Slowly Feeling better, but it explains my fatigue and not being able to get out of bed to do my excercises.
I'll let you know how tommorrow goes.
Day 2, 3, 4- I have kinda found my groove again. I still have low energy, as the flu kicked my butt. Excercise has been limited to walking with the babies. Focusing on keeping my spirit healthy by journalling and doing my meditation and eating as healthy as possible (with a slight run in with reese's and his deadly chocolate last night :)
Much love,
Jess
Slowly Feeling better, but it explains my fatigue and not being able to get out of bed to do my excercises.
I'll let you know how tommorrow goes.
Day 2, 3, 4- I have kinda found my groove again. I still have low energy, as the flu kicked my butt. Excercise has been limited to walking with the babies. Focusing on keeping my spirit healthy by journalling and doing my meditation and eating as healthy as possible (with a slight run in with reese's and his deadly chocolate last night :)
Much love,
Jess
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Technology, friend or foe?
The title of this blog makes me feel like my grandma, "Oh all these computers are ruining the world" "when I was kid...." ect. I do not mean I am thinking technology is the devil and I am avoiding all of it. I just ask, is all these "gadgets" worth it?
This Christmas my sister Emily got a kobo ereader. I was playing with her and was loving it. I had never even though about ereaders before but it was so neat. So later on I was talking to Court and asked him if it would be ok if I bought one for my self (like a "woo hoo you survived the babies first year!" gift..lol) He Said "of course but do you really want it and use it? or is it just a fad?"
Did I want to give up my books? was it worth it? was I going to use it or was it just really neat?
That comment elicited a week of discussions on technology and gadgets for everything. I talked to a few people in my family just to get their opinions. It was quite interesting once we started discussing. Court and Meg both said "Do you want to be one of those people who rely on all the new gadget for everything". Rick said "This is the way books are going in the future". Emily just kept telling me how much she loved it and my mom just wanted me to buy something for me, not the family...lol :)
I ended up buying it, and I love it! I don't care if I rely to much on technology. I am absolutely in love it. I was nervous of the idea of giving up "real books", not being able to go to my favorite used book store and finding a new jem, but I do not have to be exclusive to the kobo. I can switch back and forth between print books and the ereader. We have an open relationship like that.
I think that is how we can decide that technology is a friend. Use it to its fullest potential and still keep the values of it's predecessor (like reading a old book from the used book store, or calling a friend for a good long chat instead of texting them , or mailing a birthday card instead of an email etc. )
So today I decide that technology is definatly my friend.
And I love my ereader!
Much love,
Jessica
This Christmas my sister Emily got a kobo ereader. I was playing with her and was loving it. I had never even though about ereaders before but it was so neat. So later on I was talking to Court and asked him if it would be ok if I bought one for my self (like a "woo hoo you survived the babies first year!" gift..lol) He Said "of course but do you really want it and use it? or is it just a fad?"
Did I want to give up my books? was it worth it? was I going to use it or was it just really neat?
That comment elicited a week of discussions on technology and gadgets for everything. I talked to a few people in my family just to get their opinions. It was quite interesting once we started discussing. Court and Meg both said "Do you want to be one of those people who rely on all the new gadget for everything". Rick said "This is the way books are going in the future". Emily just kept telling me how much she loved it and my mom just wanted me to buy something for me, not the family...lol :)
I ended up buying it, and I love it! I don't care if I rely to much on technology. I am absolutely in love it. I was nervous of the idea of giving up "real books", not being able to go to my favorite used book store and finding a new jem, but I do not have to be exclusive to the kobo. I can switch back and forth between print books and the ereader. We have an open relationship like that.
I think that is how we can decide that technology is a friend. Use it to its fullest potential and still keep the values of it's predecessor (like reading a old book from the used book store, or calling a friend for a good long chat instead of texting them , or mailing a birthday card instead of an email etc. )
So today I decide that technology is definatly my friend.
And I love my ereader!
Much love,
Jessica
day 5 and day 6
Yesterday was new years day. Not the best day food wise. I was at my parents all day and we snacked all day. But today is a new day.
Food plan:
Breakfast:
English muffine with almond butter
Snack:
boiled egg
Lunch:
Not to sure, heading to my inlaws but I will keep it healthy
Snack:
pita chips
Dinner:
mini pizza and salad
I slept in again. It was a late night on new years eve. I needed the sleep. Morning excercises will start back tommorrow and our lives will become a littl emore routine as Court goes back to work tommorrow and the babies and I can get in our routine of walking and whatnot :)
Food plan:
Breakfast:
English muffine with almond butter
Snack:
boiled egg
Lunch:
Not to sure, heading to my inlaws but I will keep it healthy
Snack:
pita chips
Dinner:
mini pizza and salad
I slept in again. It was a late night on new years eve. I needed the sleep. Morning excercises will start back tommorrow and our lives will become a littl emore routine as Court goes back to work tommorrow and the babies and I can get in our routine of walking and whatnot :)
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